a movement

* heart beat
i have an adrenaline rush
my eyes are wide my tongue is dry
im movin.

i have a goal,
but i dont know what it is
my brain is frying like thisss
*fizz
im movin.

my eyes blur from the alcoholic pressures
patrone reaches the top of my eyes
tired of hearing what the shrink gotta lecture
*blaw blaw blaw
im movin.

it seams as though i get a feeling good bad or ugly and
my first instinct is to move from it
cant handle the feeling
because im tired of feeling feelings
because w.e feeling you try to get me to feel..
gets me moving.
gets me hurting.
gets me thinking
thoughts they make my soul be sinking
gets me low instead of high
goin to sleep not know how im gettin by..
or should i say bye?

cause im moving

merry christmas *

well hello everyone,
and merry christmas to all
i hope everyone stays safe..
and gets what their hearts desire..

remember to be safe;
and be with family.

merry christmas from yours truly
meagan d fiddes
*muah

dear unexpected audience

sincerely meagan... i think.

the passion that runs through my vains,
is the same passion i bleed on paper..
but i dont loose anything, in this case i gain.
an outside view as to what i know my heart believes;
but i read it as a reminder so i stay on the path i wanna indeed complete,
because when i get side tracked, and cant get back.. to the spot i left bread crumbs to follow back
as if they blew away not intended for me to find my way..
but i couldnt loose myself the way i loose my head these days
dont know who i intend to be, cause it changes so drastically
one day i wanna be the one to save them lives..
the next i wanna end my own internally,
cause im dyin on the inside
cryin on the inside
hurtin, cuttin, beatin, i aint nothin on the inside
because now the insides hold no insides
hollow is what has become on the insides and i hide
my self deeper on the inside and i try to reverse what i know i show here on the inside
because the outside has always got that negative attention
because people can come up with their own perception from looking on the outside
but if they knew the inside could they say anything at all?
could they know your flaws crack define words spillin from your jaw at all?

can i know who is reading this?
can i know who i affect?
could i bleed the truth get deep to the root,
know what issue i can highlight and detect?

not substantially, cause you see im not on the inside
because im to busy being who i figure fits easy..

cause myself is to busy hiding on the inside.

dear unexpected audience,

you the dope

its ecstasy,
it takes you on a higher note.
then drop.

he's feindin,
and your his brand of dope,
sex-sleep- skip the convo-
state of shock

you got on a high level,
cause youre so used to bein low,
gave you an opportunity to for once not be
(8) solo dolo

but when you shiver and your body quakes
the skin on your bones seperate and break,

its the ecstasy talkin,
and his words be walkin
in your head and then
you allow him to take:

the dope the dealer couldnt ever supply.

mind of a man

hello hello hello:
so tonight something said to me struck me,
an individual was talking to me and brought up the fact
that i have a blog,
and when he looked at it he came back and said : "oh girly stuff"
this particular comment struck me, because what defines something as
"girly" what in a piece of writing gives it a feminist view on something,
cant the truth simply be the truth?
so tonight i decided to get a bit rough,
maybe put a spin on things.
so here is a mind of a man:

"i got women drippin off of me,
women slipin onto me;
holdin my hand, doin a dance.. damn
she right ontop of me.
she makin it so easy, she make her appearance seem
that much more cheap, ah dam she started talkin,
bitch shutup, i never asked to hear you speak.
the persona of her movements strike me more then the words from her mouth because
i never asked for intimate, im doing this cause this is a typical night out,
dont wanna business with her name, nor her number cause i aint callin,
and i hope that she can take this shit like a man, man i hope that she aint fallin
cause i aint bout to deal with that, deal with her like a dealer do,
she a deck of cards, along with all these other broads, in a deck i believe there's 52?

does it matter?
are women my cocaine?
can i help it that i could care less about her feelings,
cause all i asked for was her frame.
frame this image that i gather cause thats just how it is,
living the life of being wanted, ah damn she reachin for a kiss."

women: "i feel cheap, i feel stupid, i feel dumb on a levle i cant explain
exploit me credibility cause he says he loves me,
when im a pawn within his game..
though this aint chess,
yet he's reachin for my chest..
and i bet you he doesnt even know my name.. i bet you he couldnt guess..
can he help it that all he wants is to refer to my body like a book
could he help it when he looked at me, wanna grab me like a crook
could he help it when he cant denie that he cannot lie
could he help knowing that i can help him help it,
if he bothered showing..
showing me that naw i aint just another broad show me that
maybe ill be different, maybe i can be that girl he takes to ma..
but for now i couldnt read the expression..
couldnt take a gander to whats on his mind,
cause though he pushin deeper..
i can only read his actions..
his feelings? i couldnt find"

man: "haa this is a trip cause another ten minutes and im golden,
tell her i gotta grab something from the car,
then like a card player.. im foldin..
as in im leaving as in she wont see my face again,
as in i cant help it that i dealt it,
and just so happned to know how to play the game,
and she signed me with her body, using my own personal pen."

so..
was that girly?

bed time pre-thought

wrap my head around dreams,
wrap my mind around getting there,
the first step in the program is acceptance,
and ive admitted i cant find that dream, if you catch it,
tell show me where.

but for the time being :
i rather have a solid reality,
then a broken dream.

goodnight,
and sweet realities.

collective recovery

i relax my mind,
and open the horizon..
claimed connection was high
like telus,sprint, or verizon.
wireless, describes my displacement.
in a displaced equation dont lie to my face
tell me that you hate it
tell me that im not
what you had your heart afflicted to,
because im tired of being lead down a ground with no path,
thats what i will prmise myself i will not do
im always willing to do the dirty work,
the labour.. like poverty nothings given in return,
you blow me out like a blunt, yet im the product
but i feel the heat off my own burn
i feel the pain of being under your aggression and never in my
existence would i give you up, fall in depression
its like life support,
and unjustified reasons for cutting it, i consider your reasoning poor.
cut the air and i cant breathe
i fall so hard i cannot think,
no gravity beneath me.
and i freeze as if im being held in place for a reason,
i forget that nothing lasts forever..
love is for a season.
a brief moment in life, and trust me it will come to pass.
no need to reconstruct my trend, i already stated,
sooner or later shit will always pass.

dont forget to be decissive with the next victim
that becomes more then hooked,
because falling under false pretensions
gave me an outlook on my own insecurities.

your love had me intolerable,
baby had me shook

quick side note

hello
so i have a quick remark to make for the night.
everyone has a weakness.
everyone has the kryptonite
that makes them drop.

the best way to be unbeatable is to master
the kryptnite in your life.
stare it in the face.
and laugh..

whether it:
a love
a fear
a struggle

look at it and laugh.


ps: song of the night