i dedicate this one to you

amplified, tranquilized..

baby maybe you need to get up and testify

recognize, picturize,

look through the fog with clearing eyes

that fantisized, mobilized..

words are what make you electrify

your platform..

and i must admit before i quit you were the driving force in my pit,

to make me more then yell..

i spit

reluctantly before i shit

all over these obstacles,

make you feel microscopic like a follicle

because the emotion in the inside was derrived from what...?

that shit sounds diabolical

deep down in the city in which i cant sleep

im clawing on the see through walls,

aha you read this and think im deep

but im shallow cause i scrape this off the top like its nothin

and every individual who tries to step to me,

there all talk.

bitch stop frontin

and start confrontin

because you be nothin

and i can laugh and point and

hallucinate without the joint..

because im not just bad

baby im somethin

so read a little more maybe get a bit entertained becacuse this

LADY not bitch,

is indispicable

and i am loosed from this held down weight,

and to no man whoom can be tamed.

i dedicate this one to you

all puns intended

rivers flowing,
bubble gum blowing
falling for bullshit without really knowing
yadda yadda..
blaw blaw blaw
he make you feel one way,
but forget it,
get raw.
get technical,
get secured
get ahead of being ahead
make him know youre more than sure
spoon fed,
leave your childish motem for dead
cause you grew a new skin

get familiar with that instead.

awaken the inner new tranquility..
because all he saying is blaw blaw blaw.

really
you feelin me?
do you really see
the partial pressures of over heated weather
where you feel to get wetter
especially cause you hearing me?
all puns intended.

a look into her eyes,

bonjour,
comme sa va?
spelled incorrectly?
let me..
be the first to say without a doubt..
you should let it be,
relentlessly skipping stones with chips that cause your trip..
to the point you need a joint to get you lifted feelin gifted..
take a trip
to a point that flows your center to the point which makes you better
into the eyes of a stress free girl who never knows..
which her failure which brings out her blows..
makes the blood running in her vains cold..
so now hold,
your hand out expecting be to dealt a deal..
in the only manner the girl with insufficient emotion could keep it real
because you never felt the weight of an unbalanced shoulder lean..

i guess a look into her eyes aint always serene?
do you get what i mean?
or did i ment meen,
as par to the median of what you can take..
in the instant your lips seperate and you yell
cause you took all you can take.
im crying.
because i miss that certain chapter..
where the tears that stream never existed..
cause the only recollection was laughter.

maybe you need a look into her eyes,

acid reflex.

water drops from my eyes,
but i cannot call these tears,
because i do not feel the usual sadness all i feel is fear
because im done here
and ive seen here
and i want to leave but im trapped here
and i cant find an answer to this question
and i look and toss and turn in this dessert,
i cannot recollect recollections
and im stumped as to what im feeling
what drug was my dealer dealing because these hallucinates
have me floating in a nightmare,
in which the kiss that woke me into dreams,
only provoke a deeper scare
happieness is never where it seems
and im drowning where i was once floating,
and i couldnt tell you where im going
because im writing for no reason
you see love rots like an apple,
ripe for a season,
until it eventually happens,
maybe it doesnt for some or few,
but all im trying to discover was this nightmare,
and why my nightmare was you,

the deeper you tried to love
the more scared i had become,
and the longer you took to prove it,
the tighter hold i had on a triggared gun,
but if the truggar was pulled...

what am i holding onto,
empty.

skip the paper, watch the words appear

blank paper: a canvas?
can i scribble and make words appear..
can i have this?

can i have a dilemma, that will
in the end save my life..
be the air supply..
to every crack i slipped in,
and watch separate, then fixate itself back to..

back to life?
resuscitate, negotiate..
the reason as to why.
unsecured like a bank account without a pin.
this pointless chatter, never really mattered,
i got you to care about what i have to say, to read it.


pointless words these days always seem to win.

keep talking

stimulation in the mind,
takes its place in the decissions of the soul.
in the choices i refuse to know,
in the situation where i chose to say no...
i cannot blame the intoxicant, but rather the blood that flows
because if stitches mend deep cuts, then the ice in my heart mends my blows,
the blows in transcripts i meant the cheap shot..
that was taken, i guess it serves as deserved, and you deserve
what you got..
so ive gotten as far as im getting,
and ive persued what was decided to be letting..
me free.
i am no longer held by the ropes and chains that held down
the rage emotions, et espirit..
pronounce the words of my tongue like they should...
because with the appropriate accent..
my stage of words is understood.

the platform on which i stand,
and the words people choose to make of me,
when they have never taken the time to stop and ask me personally
do you know me?
did you ever even try
or did the words that cut deep, that formed every lie..
feel better?

did they satisfy, your thirst..

to say every rumor that was ever made about me,
dont feel flattered,
because you were never the first.
i stand in a room of shadows because no one
ever turns on a light,

they rather hide in the dark and continue talking..
matching deaf words to empty faces..

i guess will always be my fight..
keep talking

give and take

hello hello hello,
so its been a while i know
but you know school gets busy and all..
and sometimes.
you just dont have time.
but today im going to share a piece that
will surely brighten your spirits

i awake to find him smiling,
to feel the air between my fingers move
breezing in and out, up and through
i can taste last nights sweet memory, it sits on the curve around my lips
and then he opens his eyes, see that i remember this memory and replaces it like this..
he never left when i was sleeping,
he never chose to walk out my bedroom door,
he stayed and laid and with nothing paid, did not expect to receive more
he did not push to get the full limits, and the pressure was that of feathers
and my heart only beats as fast as the tears drip, as once said by many; he makes me better
i cannot strive for more then what i am taking.
i cannot expect to be exploited because i wont..
and i go to question why it is he loves me but his fingers shush me explaining dont
he never has to say it, he refuses under conditions because the preliminary excuses and uses cannot be made to be a a contradiction. he leaves it at "it is what it is" just know that you are different, the one i can see my life heading into the one i can see myself having kids with.
it is a give and take, an unsigned understood agreement,
and out of all bounds and rules and regulations.. even when signed to something official..
i never received this treatment.
we call it a give and take not a standard set of relations.. because that what the others were not relationships, but relations.. on desired occasion.

its a give and take,
an unwritten understood agreement,
and there are no claims even though i consider myself his;
nothing matches his treatment.

let it be know, its a give and take.

*rethink, the idea of "re", in the mind of me

-pour a glass of water-
recuperate, rejuvenate, relive, restock, resesitate..
redo things.. relieve your mind from retrying things
that have failed into a hopeless state.
relive the moments your heart never could remember,
recuperate from all that caused you pain,
restock on hope there will be warmer weather,
rewash that wall, that has a seemingly permanent stain.
dive into your morals, stick to the bottom
of that sea's floor..
because when he looks at you
the beauty on your face aint enough,
he wants to see more,
more then the laugh you do when you're nervous,
more then the smile he usually puts on your face,
more then the reoccuring emotions..
that never really seem to change.

i give up in a sense,
in a sense i wanna just keep goin..
cause the love i think is soulfully devoted to me,
iuno which other broad he's showin?

swimming in a sea too deep

hello fellow bloggers,
so tonight i concurred a new idea: synopsis saturdays
now what it basically means is every saturday im gonna
do a poem that lays the mood and theme for the rest of the week,
so make sure you tune in every saturday, to get each weeks synopsis :

lick your lips, snap your fingers, grab a hold of me like thissss..
intoxicate me further then the state in which i live
drown me, dunk my head under cause i know that you ponder bout this
on the regular, you have my pressure within the vains of my skin, going faster
yet still regular..
regular? cant be a word in this description because this is farthest from regular
you get me so sick off of different,
doctors are trying to concox a prescription
a drug for a drug?
and within my body's interior on my heartstrings you do tug?
tug? tug me a little closer, because i can feel the space between our bodies and i dont
wanna feel air approach me.. huh?
what was that?
you want to hold onto me for eternity?
if my body could stay in this one position forever
eternity is where id promise to be
simplicity within a promise doesnt match up to the extremities of keepin it
because im swimming in a sea of your love, and baby im just too deep in it.

save me before i drown.

he grew up a screwup, while i stepped up and blew up>>

snap your fingers and go..

tension when he sits across from me,
this is it.. time is up im gonna find out where
we gonna end up.. see
i always envisioned this picture perfect story
where he loved me and i loved him, and we did all the ins and outs
metaphorically..
speaking of a metaphor, thats what he kinda left me with for years
never knew where we were considerably heading,
always was fighting back the tears
fighting back the feeling of being rejected on the low
i just wish he saved me from all this time
instead of being fake, should have let me know..
why did it come to this you traveling to sit across from me at this table
when three years ago when you figure out shit your mouth was more than able
but you rather have put me here so you can
see me shake and tremble
because it makes you feel good inside, inflates youre ego,
when my pain across my chest is what i resemble.
is what i shape out, well shape up,
and ship out..
cause for the taking;
all this agony my heart break and trembling..
has made me a better woman in the making.
i am growing and moving and learning..
and you will i guess never understand how lucky you were..

baby you were never deserving.

i guess what i meant to say in a nutshell was:
see, i guess we had no business having business,
but you see this?
you like this?
good..
now watch me walk away

2O1O

so i hate saying this
"new year, new me"
i look at that phrase and think why
does it take the countdown to a new year to decide for change?

but in any case..
a lot of people have asked me.. "so whats you're new years reso?"
and i couldnt honestly give them a straight answer..
it seams as though there are so many things in life that need to get done..
that one year, simply isnt enough..
three-hundred and sixty-five days just doesnt cut it.
so after being asked this so many times i decided to lay down, chill
and think it through. questioning.. what do i wanna do?
who do i wanna be? where do i wanna go?

because not just this year, but life isnt about:
-being the "sweetest"
-having the latest trends
-dating the cutest person

i thought to myself the best thing to do in life
is to do what makes you a more wholesome positive person:
-not making "for the moment" decisions
-not going to extreme lengths to get something that will only do you wrong
-and being your own self.. flatout

i took all this time to think about what it is that i really need
i need to love myself more, and leave the people who have the shit to say alone,
youre not rowing my boat for me, so why should i let you sink it?
fact: i have sincere people who love me
fact: i have a bright future
fact: maybe if i hushed my mouth sometimes, i would do right on my own behalf
fact: everyone has their flaws, and thats what makes them beautiful

so im not calling this a new years reso: its a life-time journey

so without further a due: stability

a movement

* heart beat
i have an adrenaline rush
my eyes are wide my tongue is dry
im movin.

i have a goal,
but i dont know what it is
my brain is frying like thisss
*fizz
im movin.

my eyes blur from the alcoholic pressures
patrone reaches the top of my eyes
tired of hearing what the shrink gotta lecture
*blaw blaw blaw
im movin.

it seams as though i get a feeling good bad or ugly and
my first instinct is to move from it
cant handle the feeling
because im tired of feeling feelings
because w.e feeling you try to get me to feel..
gets me moving.
gets me hurting.
gets me thinking
thoughts they make my soul be sinking
gets me low instead of high
goin to sleep not know how im gettin by..
or should i say bye?

cause im moving

merry christmas *

well hello everyone,
and merry christmas to all
i hope everyone stays safe..
and gets what their hearts desire..

remember to be safe;
and be with family.

merry christmas from yours truly
meagan d fiddes
*muah

dear unexpected audience

sincerely meagan... i think.

the passion that runs through my vains,
is the same passion i bleed on paper..
but i dont loose anything, in this case i gain.
an outside view as to what i know my heart believes;
but i read it as a reminder so i stay on the path i wanna indeed complete,
because when i get side tracked, and cant get back.. to the spot i left bread crumbs to follow back
as if they blew away not intended for me to find my way..
but i couldnt loose myself the way i loose my head these days
dont know who i intend to be, cause it changes so drastically
one day i wanna be the one to save them lives..
the next i wanna end my own internally,
cause im dyin on the inside
cryin on the inside
hurtin, cuttin, beatin, i aint nothin on the inside
because now the insides hold no insides
hollow is what has become on the insides and i hide
my self deeper on the inside and i try to reverse what i know i show here on the inside
because the outside has always got that negative attention
because people can come up with their own perception from looking on the outside
but if they knew the inside could they say anything at all?
could they know your flaws crack define words spillin from your jaw at all?

can i know who is reading this?
can i know who i affect?
could i bleed the truth get deep to the root,
know what issue i can highlight and detect?

not substantially, cause you see im not on the inside
because im to busy being who i figure fits easy..

cause myself is to busy hiding on the inside.

dear unexpected audience,

you the dope

its ecstasy,
it takes you on a higher note.
then drop.

he's feindin,
and your his brand of dope,
sex-sleep- skip the convo-
state of shock

you got on a high level,
cause youre so used to bein low,
gave you an opportunity to for once not be
(8) solo dolo

but when you shiver and your body quakes
the skin on your bones seperate and break,

its the ecstasy talkin,
and his words be walkin
in your head and then
you allow him to take:

the dope the dealer couldnt ever supply.

mind of a man

hello hello hello:
so tonight something said to me struck me,
an individual was talking to me and brought up the fact
that i have a blog,
and when he looked at it he came back and said : "oh girly stuff"
this particular comment struck me, because what defines something as
"girly" what in a piece of writing gives it a feminist view on something,
cant the truth simply be the truth?
so tonight i decided to get a bit rough,
maybe put a spin on things.
so here is a mind of a man:

"i got women drippin off of me,
women slipin onto me;
holdin my hand, doin a dance.. damn
she right ontop of me.
she makin it so easy, she make her appearance seem
that much more cheap, ah dam she started talkin,
bitch shutup, i never asked to hear you speak.
the persona of her movements strike me more then the words from her mouth because
i never asked for intimate, im doing this cause this is a typical night out,
dont wanna business with her name, nor her number cause i aint callin,
and i hope that she can take this shit like a man, man i hope that she aint fallin
cause i aint bout to deal with that, deal with her like a dealer do,
she a deck of cards, along with all these other broads, in a deck i believe there's 52?

does it matter?
are women my cocaine?
can i help it that i could care less about her feelings,
cause all i asked for was her frame.
frame this image that i gather cause thats just how it is,
living the life of being wanted, ah damn she reachin for a kiss."

women: "i feel cheap, i feel stupid, i feel dumb on a levle i cant explain
exploit me credibility cause he says he loves me,
when im a pawn within his game..
though this aint chess,
yet he's reachin for my chest..
and i bet you he doesnt even know my name.. i bet you he couldnt guess..
can he help it that all he wants is to refer to my body like a book
could he help it when he looked at me, wanna grab me like a crook
could he help it when he cant denie that he cannot lie
could he help knowing that i can help him help it,
if he bothered showing..
showing me that naw i aint just another broad show me that
maybe ill be different, maybe i can be that girl he takes to ma..
but for now i couldnt read the expression..
couldnt take a gander to whats on his mind,
cause though he pushin deeper..
i can only read his actions..
his feelings? i couldnt find"

man: "haa this is a trip cause another ten minutes and im golden,
tell her i gotta grab something from the car,
then like a card player.. im foldin..
as in im leaving as in she wont see my face again,
as in i cant help it that i dealt it,
and just so happned to know how to play the game,
and she signed me with her body, using my own personal pen."

so..
was that girly?

bed time pre-thought

wrap my head around dreams,
wrap my mind around getting there,
the first step in the program is acceptance,
and ive admitted i cant find that dream, if you catch it,
tell show me where.

but for the time being :
i rather have a solid reality,
then a broken dream.

goodnight,
and sweet realities.

collective recovery

i relax my mind,
and open the horizon..
claimed connection was high
like telus,sprint, or verizon.
wireless, describes my displacement.
in a displaced equation dont lie to my face
tell me that you hate it
tell me that im not
what you had your heart afflicted to,
because im tired of being lead down a ground with no path,
thats what i will prmise myself i will not do
im always willing to do the dirty work,
the labour.. like poverty nothings given in return,
you blow me out like a blunt, yet im the product
but i feel the heat off my own burn
i feel the pain of being under your aggression and never in my
existence would i give you up, fall in depression
its like life support,
and unjustified reasons for cutting it, i consider your reasoning poor.
cut the air and i cant breathe
i fall so hard i cannot think,
no gravity beneath me.
and i freeze as if im being held in place for a reason,
i forget that nothing lasts forever..
love is for a season.
a brief moment in life, and trust me it will come to pass.
no need to reconstruct my trend, i already stated,
sooner or later shit will always pass.

dont forget to be decissive with the next victim
that becomes more then hooked,
because falling under false pretensions
gave me an outlook on my own insecurities.

your love had me intolerable,
baby had me shook

quick side note

hello
so i have a quick remark to make for the night.
everyone has a weakness.
everyone has the kryptonite
that makes them drop.

the best way to be unbeatable is to master
the kryptnite in your life.
stare it in the face.
and laugh..

whether it:
a love
a fear
a struggle

look at it and laugh.


ps: song of the night

realizing, some things just dont change

ive wasted tears;
only to drown in my own ocean.

ive wasted laughter;
just to have laughter shouted back at me.

ive wasted time;
just to realize it was all too late.

ive wasted hope;
just to see it crushed in front of me

ive wasted breath;
just to realize it got lost the minute it left my mouth.

ive wasted my love;
just to remind me that it doesnt exist for some.

but most off all ive wasted thought;
on something that never gave two seconds of thought for me.


realizing.
somethings just dont change.