swimming in a sea too deep

hello fellow bloggers,
so tonight i concurred a new idea: synopsis saturdays
now what it basically means is every saturday im gonna
do a poem that lays the mood and theme for the rest of the week,
so make sure you tune in every saturday, to get each weeks synopsis :

lick your lips, snap your fingers, grab a hold of me like thissss..
intoxicate me further then the state in which i live
drown me, dunk my head under cause i know that you ponder bout this
on the regular, you have my pressure within the vains of my skin, going faster
yet still regular..
regular? cant be a word in this description because this is farthest from regular
you get me so sick off of different,
doctors are trying to concox a prescription
a drug for a drug?
and within my body's interior on my heartstrings you do tug?
tug? tug me a little closer, because i can feel the space between our bodies and i dont
wanna feel air approach me.. huh?
what was that?
you want to hold onto me for eternity?
if my body could stay in this one position forever
eternity is where id promise to be
simplicity within a promise doesnt match up to the extremities of keepin it
because im swimming in a sea of your love, and baby im just too deep in it.

save me before i drown.

he grew up a screwup, while i stepped up and blew up>>

snap your fingers and go..

tension when he sits across from me,
this is it.. time is up im gonna find out where
we gonna end up.. see
i always envisioned this picture perfect story
where he loved me and i loved him, and we did all the ins and outs
metaphorically..
speaking of a metaphor, thats what he kinda left me with for years
never knew where we were considerably heading,
always was fighting back the tears
fighting back the feeling of being rejected on the low
i just wish he saved me from all this time
instead of being fake, should have let me know..
why did it come to this you traveling to sit across from me at this table
when three years ago when you figure out shit your mouth was more than able
but you rather have put me here so you can
see me shake and tremble
because it makes you feel good inside, inflates youre ego,
when my pain across my chest is what i resemble.
is what i shape out, well shape up,
and ship out..
cause for the taking;
all this agony my heart break and trembling..
has made me a better woman in the making.
i am growing and moving and learning..
and you will i guess never understand how lucky you were..

baby you were never deserving.

i guess what i meant to say in a nutshell was:
see, i guess we had no business having business,
but you see this?
you like this?
good..
now watch me walk away

2O1O

so i hate saying this
"new year, new me"
i look at that phrase and think why
does it take the countdown to a new year to decide for change?

but in any case..
a lot of people have asked me.. "so whats you're new years reso?"
and i couldnt honestly give them a straight answer..
it seams as though there are so many things in life that need to get done..
that one year, simply isnt enough..
three-hundred and sixty-five days just doesnt cut it.
so after being asked this so many times i decided to lay down, chill
and think it through. questioning.. what do i wanna do?
who do i wanna be? where do i wanna go?

because not just this year, but life isnt about:
-being the "sweetest"
-having the latest trends
-dating the cutest person

i thought to myself the best thing to do in life
is to do what makes you a more wholesome positive person:
-not making "for the moment" decisions
-not going to extreme lengths to get something that will only do you wrong
-and being your own self.. flatout

i took all this time to think about what it is that i really need
i need to love myself more, and leave the people who have the shit to say alone,
youre not rowing my boat for me, so why should i let you sink it?
fact: i have sincere people who love me
fact: i have a bright future
fact: maybe if i hushed my mouth sometimes, i would do right on my own behalf
fact: everyone has their flaws, and thats what makes them beautiful

so im not calling this a new years reso: its a life-time journey

so without further a due: stability

a movement

* heart beat
i have an adrenaline rush
my eyes are wide my tongue is dry
im movin.

i have a goal,
but i dont know what it is
my brain is frying like thisss
*fizz
im movin.

my eyes blur from the alcoholic pressures
patrone reaches the top of my eyes
tired of hearing what the shrink gotta lecture
*blaw blaw blaw
im movin.

it seams as though i get a feeling good bad or ugly and
my first instinct is to move from it
cant handle the feeling
because im tired of feeling feelings
because w.e feeling you try to get me to feel..
gets me moving.
gets me hurting.
gets me thinking
thoughts they make my soul be sinking
gets me low instead of high
goin to sleep not know how im gettin by..
or should i say bye?

cause im moving

merry christmas *

well hello everyone,
and merry christmas to all
i hope everyone stays safe..
and gets what their hearts desire..

remember to be safe;
and be with family.

merry christmas from yours truly
meagan d fiddes
*muah

dear unexpected audience

sincerely meagan... i think.

the passion that runs through my vains,
is the same passion i bleed on paper..
but i dont loose anything, in this case i gain.
an outside view as to what i know my heart believes;
but i read it as a reminder so i stay on the path i wanna indeed complete,
because when i get side tracked, and cant get back.. to the spot i left bread crumbs to follow back
as if they blew away not intended for me to find my way..
but i couldnt loose myself the way i loose my head these days
dont know who i intend to be, cause it changes so drastically
one day i wanna be the one to save them lives..
the next i wanna end my own internally,
cause im dyin on the inside
cryin on the inside
hurtin, cuttin, beatin, i aint nothin on the inside
because now the insides hold no insides
hollow is what has become on the insides and i hide
my self deeper on the inside and i try to reverse what i know i show here on the inside
because the outside has always got that negative attention
because people can come up with their own perception from looking on the outside
but if they knew the inside could they say anything at all?
could they know your flaws crack define words spillin from your jaw at all?

can i know who is reading this?
can i know who i affect?
could i bleed the truth get deep to the root,
know what issue i can highlight and detect?

not substantially, cause you see im not on the inside
because im to busy being who i figure fits easy..

cause myself is to busy hiding on the inside.

dear unexpected audience,

you the dope

its ecstasy,
it takes you on a higher note.
then drop.

he's feindin,
and your his brand of dope,
sex-sleep- skip the convo-
state of shock

you got on a high level,
cause youre so used to bein low,
gave you an opportunity to for once not be
(8) solo dolo

but when you shiver and your body quakes
the skin on your bones seperate and break,

its the ecstasy talkin,
and his words be walkin
in your head and then
you allow him to take:

the dope the dealer couldnt ever supply.