play them cards right

Hello !
what is up yall?
i have been super duper busy,
so i havnt gotten to hit up the blog scene in a minute,
but i figured tonight i have some time so might aswell burn it.

what do you do when you have 5 options in front of you?

do you pick the first thing you see?
do you do innie minnie miney moe?
do you front and stress?
do you take up all of them?

whats your happy median?
where do you draw a line..
i always would stress when i had to many options,
id frunt on my self thinking..
its a problem.

yes laugh..
i thought having doorways.. was a problem.
ahahahahahahahahaha
*dead.


my thing was i never knew how to disperse what i was doing.
so i went to a wise friend of mine and showed him what it was.
he brought it to me like this:
play your cards right.

as if it was a line straight outta a tupac song?

he broke it down for me and it made sense.

why am i gonna trip over having options?
arent options what we look for these days, a variety..
its like what would you prefer? manderin? or McD's
like its all about thinking ahead as to what youre doing, draw that happy
median as to where
you drop your cards..
and pick up more.
cause sometimes the last thing you need is a full house,
drop the weak cards,
save those strong ones, and
play em right.

and dont feel intimidated..
cause dam..

*you need to run it for your own self

my drug addiction

crack,
mixed with a lil cocaine,
you supress my nerves like a drug;
but here i got more to gain,
skip the injections..
i get straight to the high
dont have to over dose on anything,
cause lovin you gives me life.
high like indescribable,
me lovin you, just understand its
undeniable,
undeniable like the adrenaline flowin,
and the context of my emotions pourin out with out me knowin
its deep.
like a cliff with no bottom,
and when pulled apart i need revival,
pull out the meds.. i want em.
i need em, cause you are just that drug..
and when its me against you it fits so right,
i consider it more comfortable then smug.
so let me skip the pain and negetive..
get straight to the high..

because ive been through enough shit
so this is it,
and i aint ever lettin you pass me by.

-you are my drug

inspite of the crowd

good evening everybody,

so tonight i dont wanna talk about the same thing,
i wanna do somethin new,
so tonight i wanna talk about the crowd.

ever since we were children we are taught to
recognize things in groups.
and it doesnt change as we grow older.
from learning:
-fruits
-vegetable
-meats
-junk

to facing realities in school:
-nerds
-populars
-artsy kids
-comedians

we always associate things back to a group.
a crowd. when youre at school, and you're on lunch,
do you ever try to sit by yourself? or do you frantically
search to find a familiar face, so you dont stand out
but more so blend in. people these days,
mostly youth/teens feel like standing out is a bad thing,
its like we always need that comfort zone, or things go out of
wack. but have you ever thought that inspite of the crowd
you are something unique, different, and special?

dont always think you need a shelter covering you blending you in,
break the norm, and maybe even try sitting by yourself one day.

because there might be 100,000 people around you,
but i bet you, not one of them can build the person
that you are.

thats just going against the crowd.

selebit*

hello,
good evening..
soon to be good morning.

right now theres something going through me.
it isnt sitting well.
it doesnt feel right,
im trying to figure out how to give a word to the deffinition.
have you ever woke up looked to both sides of you
and felt like something changed from when you went to sleep
to when you woke up?
have you ever tried to speak but when you did,
your thoughts didnt even make sense?

i have an abstinence for nonsense.
i dont allow it,
i dont do it,
nor understand the point in it.
its almost like being selebit to the superficial of the world.
so when i dont feel like the real me,
it bothers me like you wouldnt believe.
im havin moodswings,
im havin cravings.. not for food
but for something real.
i wanna hear someone tell me a realization
they had, because thats when i smile.
i just wanna be broken.
then be fixed.
i wanna struggle,
but float within an instant;
and i wanna know when i wake up in the morning,
my life is as real as i left it..
even though it aint as completely real
as i want it.

selebit to the superficial,
and thats how its staying.

failing to function.

hello world.
so im blogging.
im sharing a piece of feeling,
an oppinion,
a theory..
as to how im thinkin.

so i realize..
these days girls [including myself] complain about guys.
a lot. more than necessary. its like everytime a guy does us wrong,
we complain and generalize their whole species.
i just thought to myself. there must be somebody out there,
someone that will look at you and see the world in your eyes.
there is someone out there that will see you when youre sick and claim,
youve never looked better.
there is someone out there that will see the extra little chubby part on your stomach,
and consider it more to love.
there is someone who will watch all of your flaws, but say you're perfect.
the affection they have for you will cause blindness towards all that you see as, blemishes.
yea of course i wish i could say i knew who it was going to be,
and there are many times we feel we found the person we felt would be this individual,
but the truth is i cant say i know where that mr."built for me" is.
i never thought to think about the possibility that maybe there is a reason
maybe there is a point, as to why it hasnt happned yet.

maybe the surface of what im expecting, is holding me back
from finding the deeper connection im looking for.
maybe i myself am the reason i cant find an individual who will love and accept me.
maybe its my high expectation that is limiting me from what i need.
the typical guy i go for, never worked for me before..
so why do i chase the same thing now?
its like a child touching a stove continuously, you get burned regardless.
maybe the anxiety built inside of me feels it cant "settle"
and it just wants what has never worked before..
even though it needs what its been to afraid to try.