a consultation: with myself

hello everybody,

so whats new?
well im here tonight to talk about something
that i want everybody to do at some point in the near future.

a consultation: with yourself.

lately i dont know what it is but ive been judging myself
on everything. i seek out my own flaws and it hurts because so
many people think of me as someone who is confident and maybe even a tad bit conceited.
but here's the thing. im not.
a lot of people tell me how pretty i am and how beautiful i am blaw blaw blaw.

but no matter how hard i look i dont see it. now a lot of girls might
be able to find relation to this simply because every girl will look at themselves
and be able to find something wrong with themself.. but its all in how far you take it.
i can honestly confess i do not know who i am,
i know my name is meagan fiddes
i know im 16 years old, i know i have light brown eyes and cherry chestnut hair..
but.. i do not know who i am. i know i dont seem to like what i see when i look in a mirror,
but i dont know why. i dont know why it is i cant see what other people see,
its like i have been given greedy eyes, i only want what i see i dont have,
and i am blind to what is sitting right in front of me. sometimes my friends will catch me looking
in a mirror and i know they are thinking to themselves.. there she is checking herself out again,
but the truth? im asking myself why cant i look like this.. and i try to form the image i want in my head so im able to push myself to get to that levle of happieness. I try to think to myself
just imagine if you were 3 sizes smaller, these features would look so much nicer
and that shirt would fit right, and those jeans would look amazing
its all about if only's, i wonders, and i wishes. i feel prone to do something that will gain me those things.. and at any cost.

so tonight i sat down on my bed and i looked in a mirror and my goal was this:
"meagan youre gonna look in that mirror and you are gonna break yourself down piece by piece and youre gonna find what your bestfriends love.. youre gonna find what every boy that has every liked you has loved.. but most importantly youre gonna find what you love.
so i stared and stared and discovered:
i like the way my eyes look when light hits them.
i like the way my hair can be a mess, but i can play it off as a messy cute kinda thing.. y'know?
i like the way my nose is shaped
and i like the way i look when i dont have tears in my eyes.

i like the way i can write poetry and its as beautiful as the meaning behind it
i like the way i can take the most serious situation and find a way to laugh about it
i like the way i find reasoning behind things you wouldnt think of.. why do frogs ribbit?
but most of all i like the way i feel when i like the way everything is.

i find a peace inside myself, that the next time i try to look in a mirror
i dont think of if only's, i wonders, and i wishes i think..

i like this, and thats that.

so confront yourself, question yourself.. but question reasonably..

because the best feeling is feeling like you like eveyrthing you are.

*a consultation: with myself