give and take

hello hello hello,
so its been a while i know
but you know school gets busy and all..
and sometimes.
you just dont have time.
but today im going to share a piece that
will surely brighten your spirits

i awake to find him smiling,
to feel the air between my fingers move
breezing in and out, up and through
i can taste last nights sweet memory, it sits on the curve around my lips
and then he opens his eyes, see that i remember this memory and replaces it like this..
he never left when i was sleeping,
he never chose to walk out my bedroom door,
he stayed and laid and with nothing paid, did not expect to receive more
he did not push to get the full limits, and the pressure was that of feathers
and my heart only beats as fast as the tears drip, as once said by many; he makes me better
i cannot strive for more then what i am taking.
i cannot expect to be exploited because i wont..
and i go to question why it is he loves me but his fingers shush me explaining dont
he never has to say it, he refuses under conditions because the preliminary excuses and uses cannot be made to be a a contradiction. he leaves it at "it is what it is" just know that you are different, the one i can see my life heading into the one i can see myself having kids with.
it is a give and take, an unsigned understood agreement,
and out of all bounds and rules and regulations.. even when signed to something official..
i never received this treatment.
we call it a give and take not a standard set of relations.. because that what the others were not relationships, but relations.. on desired occasion.

its a give and take,
an unwritten understood agreement,
and there are no claims even though i consider myself his;
nothing matches his treatment.

let it be know, its a give and take.

*rethink, the idea of "re", in the mind of me

-pour a glass of water-
recuperate, rejuvenate, relive, restock, resesitate..
redo things.. relieve your mind from retrying things
that have failed into a hopeless state.
relive the moments your heart never could remember,
recuperate from all that caused you pain,
restock on hope there will be warmer weather,
rewash that wall, that has a seemingly permanent stain.
dive into your morals, stick to the bottom
of that sea's floor..
because when he looks at you
the beauty on your face aint enough,
he wants to see more,
more then the laugh you do when you're nervous,
more then the smile he usually puts on your face,
more then the reoccuring emotions..
that never really seem to change.

i give up in a sense,
in a sense i wanna just keep goin..
cause the love i think is soulfully devoted to me,
iuno which other broad he's showin?

swimming in a sea too deep

hello fellow bloggers,
so tonight i concurred a new idea: synopsis saturdays
now what it basically means is every saturday im gonna
do a poem that lays the mood and theme for the rest of the week,
so make sure you tune in every saturday, to get each weeks synopsis :

lick your lips, snap your fingers, grab a hold of me like thissss..
intoxicate me further then the state in which i live
drown me, dunk my head under cause i know that you ponder bout this
on the regular, you have my pressure within the vains of my skin, going faster
yet still regular..
regular? cant be a word in this description because this is farthest from regular
you get me so sick off of different,
doctors are trying to concox a prescription
a drug for a drug?
and within my body's interior on my heartstrings you do tug?
tug? tug me a little closer, because i can feel the space between our bodies and i dont
wanna feel air approach me.. huh?
what was that?
you want to hold onto me for eternity?
if my body could stay in this one position forever
eternity is where id promise to be
simplicity within a promise doesnt match up to the extremities of keepin it
because im swimming in a sea of your love, and baby im just too deep in it.

save me before i drown.

he grew up a screwup, while i stepped up and blew up>>

snap your fingers and go..

tension when he sits across from me,
this is it.. time is up im gonna find out where
we gonna end up.. see
i always envisioned this picture perfect story
where he loved me and i loved him, and we did all the ins and outs
metaphorically..
speaking of a metaphor, thats what he kinda left me with for years
never knew where we were considerably heading,
always was fighting back the tears
fighting back the feeling of being rejected on the low
i just wish he saved me from all this time
instead of being fake, should have let me know..
why did it come to this you traveling to sit across from me at this table
when three years ago when you figure out shit your mouth was more than able
but you rather have put me here so you can
see me shake and tremble
because it makes you feel good inside, inflates youre ego,
when my pain across my chest is what i resemble.
is what i shape out, well shape up,
and ship out..
cause for the taking;
all this agony my heart break and trembling..
has made me a better woman in the making.
i am growing and moving and learning..
and you will i guess never understand how lucky you were..

baby you were never deserving.

i guess what i meant to say in a nutshell was:
see, i guess we had no business having business,
but you see this?
you like this?
good..
now watch me walk away

2O1O

so i hate saying this
"new year, new me"
i look at that phrase and think why
does it take the countdown to a new year to decide for change?

but in any case..
a lot of people have asked me.. "so whats you're new years reso?"
and i couldnt honestly give them a straight answer..
it seams as though there are so many things in life that need to get done..
that one year, simply isnt enough..
three-hundred and sixty-five days just doesnt cut it.
so after being asked this so many times i decided to lay down, chill
and think it through. questioning.. what do i wanna do?
who do i wanna be? where do i wanna go?

because not just this year, but life isnt about:
-being the "sweetest"
-having the latest trends
-dating the cutest person

i thought to myself the best thing to do in life
is to do what makes you a more wholesome positive person:
-not making "for the moment" decisions
-not going to extreme lengths to get something that will only do you wrong
-and being your own self.. flatout

i took all this time to think about what it is that i really need
i need to love myself more, and leave the people who have the shit to say alone,
youre not rowing my boat for me, so why should i let you sink it?
fact: i have sincere people who love me
fact: i have a bright future
fact: maybe if i hushed my mouth sometimes, i would do right on my own behalf
fact: everyone has their flaws, and thats what makes them beautiful

so im not calling this a new years reso: its a life-time journey

so without further a due: stability