helloooooooooo !
soo tonight i have something superduper amazing to talk about. and i know
by the title some of you are like, oh great.. saturday night church.
but thats not what im doing tonight. so last night i went to my friend
erica's birthday get together at her house, and i was talking to some people
and some how we got on the topic of "run this town" and the back masking in it,
and the hidden lyrics. i knew that jay-z's song "99 problems" had mack masking in it..
but i never knew jay-z was a big time satanist that ALL his music contained it?
[or majority anyways] so today as i was sick i thought im bored.. i want to do some research.
so i did research on jay-z and this devil business and i came to learn and discover
how many other artists do this. from the rocawear logo.. to beyonce's alter ego "sasha fierce"
[which actually derived from the demonic egyptian princess "sasha" way back before jesus' time]
to rihanna using it in her umbrella song! i came to discover sooo many things about the music industry and how many artists use it that i [for the first time in all of my life] hesitated to
listen to music. i usually play music no matter WHAT im doing.. whether im on the comp, cleaning my room, reading, watching tv, on a bus somewhere; but today i hesitated just because
all i could think about was the fact that.. what am i really listening too? what is actually being
told to me when i listen to these songs. I BET none of you know that soulja boy's "crank that"
has back masking in it too. its not dissing god.. but played backwards it talks about eminem
being emo.. and how white people "steal his food" in the metephor speaking "white people
take the food off his table/money out his pockets" havnt you ever wondered why back in Beyonce's destiny child days her music was so relaxed almost and "pop-ish" but nowa days she always look like she is having some mental breakdown in her videos? its only ever since she has been with jay has these occurences taken place. i look at things like this and cant help but wonder.. what else is going on around me that i have no idea about that influences me everyday?
something as bold face as "3-6 mafia" NEVER occured to me its meaning, i never thought to put
2 and 2 together. and that is something blatently obvious. it made me start questioning
where i am with my faith. Religion to me has always been something important, but i wont
front i cant say it has always dominated my life. i pray before i sleep, and usually before i eat
but i never actually free willingly sit down and connect with God for a minute. It struck
fear into me of where im going to be when my life is done. who i will be before i die, and what path my life is set to follow because of my lack of spiritual connection. it genuinly scares me because i dont know what position im in right now, i cant actualy be certain that if i died right now where id be. and to me.. that is a problem. i want to be sure of where ill be for all of eternity.
it just shocked me that music, something i spend most of my life making, listening to, enjoying,
doing everything too... could have such evil in it.
just gave me a glance at something ive never seen before.
9.19.2009
9.17.2009
finding that spark.
good evening,
hows everyone?
im hoping yall are doing well.
tonight i thought to myself..
i have the drive to write right now..
but i dont have the spark to find what it is i want to discuss.
i feel a creative outburst bubbling inside me,
but when i start typing, its like verbal throwup.
it comes out messy. i force myself to a topic then it comes out the wrong way.
what does it take to be a good writer?
what do my pieces need to provoke the reader to catch a feeling,
that cannot be described? when someone reads my writing
i want them to be so taken aback by what im saying
that selfishly [on my part] the whole point of what im saying..
could be forgotten, but that feeling of reading something meaningful
sufficed you.
is it like saying..
-you want to go swimming and not get wet?
because the words being the water you indulged yourself in yet
the moisture didnt over power you? thats what weak writing is.
its going swimming with out getting wet.
if you cannot indulge yourself in what you are putting yourself into,
what is the point of indulging in the first place?
it's about finding that spark.
you dont just wack two sticks together and boom, you have fire.
it takes a spark, an ignation.
something to sprout from.
its a paradox within another paradox.
a paradox is something that doesnt make sense.
so even though a paradox is something obscured..
cant meaningless writing be a paradox?
because it doesnt make sense to write if there is no feeling in it.
it doesnt make sense.
a paradox.
paradox writing.
the point behind this very entry..
is it paradox writing?
-or did some where deep inside of you,
did some sort of feeling,
or emotion get aroused.
did i rpovoke thought?
*because if so i accomplished something,
and i guess i found my spark.
hows everyone?
im hoping yall are doing well.
tonight i thought to myself..
i have the drive to write right now..
but i dont have the spark to find what it is i want to discuss.
i feel a creative outburst bubbling inside me,
but when i start typing, its like verbal throwup.
it comes out messy. i force myself to a topic then it comes out the wrong way.
what does it take to be a good writer?
what do my pieces need to provoke the reader to catch a feeling,
that cannot be described? when someone reads my writing
i want them to be so taken aback by what im saying
that selfishly [on my part] the whole point of what im saying..
could be forgotten, but that feeling of reading something meaningful
sufficed you.
is it like saying..
-you want to go swimming and not get wet?
because the words being the water you indulged yourself in yet
the moisture didnt over power you? thats what weak writing is.
its going swimming with out getting wet.
if you cannot indulge yourself in what you are putting yourself into,
what is the point of indulging in the first place?
it's about finding that spark.
you dont just wack two sticks together and boom, you have fire.
it takes a spark, an ignation.
something to sprout from.
its a paradox within another paradox.
a paradox is something that doesnt make sense.
so even though a paradox is something obscured..
cant meaningless writing be a paradox?
because it doesnt make sense to write if there is no feeling in it.
it doesnt make sense.
a paradox.
paradox writing.
the point behind this very entry..
is it paradox writing?
-or did some where deep inside of you,
did some sort of feeling,
or emotion get aroused.
did i rpovoke thought?
*because if so i accomplished something,
and i guess i found my spark.
9.09.2009
you cant fight fire with fire
what happens when you add 2 buckets of water?
you get more water.
what happens when you put garbage together?
it makes more garbage.
do you see where im going with this?
when you fight fire with fire it only creates more flames
ignorence breeds ignorence..
it takes but one person to step up and be more mature in a situation
and let the other person throw their flames at you, and waste their breath right?
when someone cusses at you, and you cuss back what happens?
the cussing goes outta controll right?
right.
in those situations things never gets resolved because everyone is doing the same thing.
i see people fight and its the same charade over and over again.
girl yells,
other girl proceeds to yell..
hair pulled..
like, really?
come on.
cant you step it up
do something different?
or be the bigger person?
you cant fight fire with fire.
it only creates more flames..
more tension.. more heat.
so im gonna keep it short and sweet because i have school tomorrow...
*how about instead of fighting with fire.. creating more combustion..
why dont you give water a try?
whatever that water may be.
you get more water.
what happens when you put garbage together?
it makes more garbage.
do you see where im going with this?
when you fight fire with fire it only creates more flames
ignorence breeds ignorence..
it takes but one person to step up and be more mature in a situation
and let the other person throw their flames at you, and waste their breath right?
when someone cusses at you, and you cuss back what happens?
the cussing goes outta controll right?
right.
in those situations things never gets resolved because everyone is doing the same thing.
i see people fight and its the same charade over and over again.
girl yells,
other girl proceeds to yell..
hair pulled..
like, really?
come on.
cant you step it up
do something different?
or be the bigger person?
you cant fight fire with fire.
it only creates more flames..
more tension.. more heat.
so im gonna keep it short and sweet because i have school tomorrow...
*how about instead of fighting with fire.. creating more combustion..
why dont you give water a try?
whatever that water may be.
9.07.2009
the first person to love, is yourself
evening folks,
havnt written in a while, but tonight
something more powerfull,then a "OMG LAST DAY OF SUMMER"
article is in place. as young adults [teenagers] most of us get caught up
in being accepted, in feeling loved..
in having that other person at the end of the day to say
"dont dream of me to hard now" before you go to sleep
we strive on the fact that having someone in our lives is a key role in "growing up".
we alter and change ourselves to meet somebody else's standards
and diminish ourselves so that we are no longer who we are,
but a beautiful idea in someone else's eyes. we try so hard to fall in love..
that it no longer is love, its lust.
we try to do it so quickly, and meaninglessly that we trap ourselves
in a "in the moment" situation, where we just feel hurt in the end.
and then on top of that.. we question why we are hurting, why it failed
and why things never seam to work.
we hurt ourselves thinking that we arent good enough.
or that we are too fat
or we are too skinny
or our chest is to flat
or men.. why you're not "deezed"
or.. yea no mention needed [lol]
we always criticize ourselves.
just because a person didnt find our qualities "to their standards"
why is it.. in every situation, we are the ones with the problem?
why is it everytime a relationship [if you even want to call it that] fails, we blame ourself?
why are you at fault?
i use to do the same thing.
i used to lay and stare at the ceiling asking "what is wrong with me?"
wasted tears because i thought the root of the problem was myself.
when subsequently i should put everyone else after myself.
intead if foccussing on finding love in someone else...
i should start loving myself.
*i never gave myself the chance to believe; im better then what you take me for
havnt written in a while, but tonight
something more powerfull,then a "OMG LAST DAY OF SUMMER"
article is in place. as young adults [teenagers] most of us get caught up
in being accepted, in feeling loved..
in having that other person at the end of the day to say
"dont dream of me to hard now" before you go to sleep
we strive on the fact that having someone in our lives is a key role in "growing up".
we alter and change ourselves to meet somebody else's standards
and diminish ourselves so that we are no longer who we are,
but a beautiful idea in someone else's eyes. we try so hard to fall in love..
that it no longer is love, its lust.
we try to do it so quickly, and meaninglessly that we trap ourselves
in a "in the moment" situation, where we just feel hurt in the end.
and then on top of that.. we question why we are hurting, why it failed
and why things never seam to work.
we hurt ourselves thinking that we arent good enough.
or that we are too fat
or we are too skinny
or our chest is to flat
or men.. why you're not "deezed"
or.. yea no mention needed [lol]
we always criticize ourselves.
just because a person didnt find our qualities "to their standards"
why is it.. in every situation, we are the ones with the problem?
why is it everytime a relationship [if you even want to call it that] fails, we blame ourself?
why are you at fault?
i use to do the same thing.
i used to lay and stare at the ceiling asking "what is wrong with me?"
wasted tears because i thought the root of the problem was myself.
when subsequently i should put everyone else after myself.
intead if foccussing on finding love in someone else...
i should start loving myself.
*i never gave myself the chance to believe; im better then what you take me for
8.31.2009
mindset of the week: the perfect mistake
the perfect mistake
trembling..
hearts stops, realistically speaking
the speed in my heart beat drops..
a faster heart rate is what im seaking, to continue breathing
i hold a candle to my blurry vision because i cant believe
what confronts before me, cant fathem what im seeing
its like the reality behind a tradgity brought the joy my soul needs,
a keeper to keep its keeping's.
it seamed so unbelievable, couldnt controll the joy
inside me because of my recent find
something i never thought would come laying infront my eyes
seamingly perfect.. even with the flaws
i could have loved him unconditionally, not needing any cause
could have given him strength when he was knocked to the curb
could have showed him the real, when no one made it occur
cause when your windy days tries to blow you away, ill hold you down,
so hold that one in your heart. cause i look at you and think to myself,
looks like he has been hurt, something cut him up.. something sharp.
something took a bigger picture out of his life, not giving him the will to trust,
something that convinced him that all that mattered was length my hair flowed, and the size of my bust.
this at one time seamingly perfect figure revealed himself each little crack and chip and frey,
but after seeing all the damage on the product, it never mattered..
cause i loved him anyway
trembling..
hearts stops, realistically speaking
the speed in my heart beat drops..
a faster heart rate is what im seaking, to continue breathing
i hold a candle to my blurry vision because i cant believe
what confronts before me, cant fathem what im seeing
its like the reality behind a tradgity brought the joy my soul needs,
a keeper to keep its keeping's.
it seamed so unbelievable, couldnt controll the joy
inside me because of my recent find
something i never thought would come laying infront my eyes
seamingly perfect.. even with the flaws
i could have loved him unconditionally, not needing any cause
could have given him strength when he was knocked to the curb
could have showed him the real, when no one made it occur
cause when your windy days tries to blow you away, ill hold you down,
so hold that one in your heart. cause i look at you and think to myself,
looks like he has been hurt, something cut him up.. something sharp.
something took a bigger picture out of his life, not giving him the will to trust,
something that convinced him that all that mattered was length my hair flowed, and the size of my bust.
this at one time seamingly perfect figure revealed himself each little crack and chip and frey,
but after seeing all the damage on the product, it never mattered..
cause i loved him anyway
8.28.2009
a brief consideration
hello hello heloo,
so tonight as i was running,
i got into a trend of thought..
i had a long day today,
and i spent it with a friend of mine..
and some things occured to me over the course of the day.
i always wonder "how come good guys are so hard to find?"
or "why is it i see guys going after the same girls"
i see that a guy's perfect girl is:
-deep curves
-big breasts
-big backside
-long nails?
-"swag" (rolls eyes)
-piercings
-loud voices
- a girl that loves to pine
why is it a dude cant love a girl who doesnt want to have sex?
or appreciate a girl when her style is a bit different?
or go with a girl who's breasts arent as big as the "ideal"
why is it a guy cant say "i want to love you" instead of "yo can we pine?"
im so used to hearing the same thing over and over again.
a man rather idolize my bodily features then idolize my oppinion
or emotions or who i am as a person.
he rather grab me by my waist and stick me to his pelvis, and have his way.
have you eer thought to stick yourself to a chair, and hear what i have to say?
i dont need a relationship.. but its getting harder and harder to find someone.
lol, today my friend made note of the fact i live in brampton and said "yo like you live in a fishbowl, a bubble !" and i could do nothing but laugh, because its partially true.
but then it struck me, if im in a fishbowl.. and im seeing this many flaws in guys..
and the selection aint even that great, what do i really have to look forward too?
i hope that it really isnt as bad as it's looking.
maybe a girl like me isnt ready for world of that
maybe i should just hold on tight do what i have to do now
and "panic" about ending up alone later.
so when you males out there decide to change up your criteria,
give me a shout.
but for now?
-deuces.
so tonight as i was running,
i got into a trend of thought..
i had a long day today,
and i spent it with a friend of mine..
and some things occured to me over the course of the day.
i always wonder "how come good guys are so hard to find?"
or "why is it i see guys going after the same girls"
i see that a guy's perfect girl is:
-deep curves
-big breasts
-big backside
-long nails?
-"swag" (rolls eyes)
-piercings
-loud voices
- a girl that loves to pine
why is it a dude cant love a girl who doesnt want to have sex?
or appreciate a girl when her style is a bit different?
or go with a girl who's breasts arent as big as the "ideal"
why is it a guy cant say "i want to love you" instead of "yo can we pine?"
im so used to hearing the same thing over and over again.
a man rather idolize my bodily features then idolize my oppinion
or emotions or who i am as a person.
he rather grab me by my waist and stick me to his pelvis, and have his way.
have you eer thought to stick yourself to a chair, and hear what i have to say?
i dont need a relationship.. but its getting harder and harder to find someone.
lol, today my friend made note of the fact i live in brampton and said "yo like you live in a fishbowl, a bubble !" and i could do nothing but laugh, because its partially true.
but then it struck me, if im in a fishbowl.. and im seeing this many flaws in guys..
and the selection aint even that great, what do i really have to look forward too?
i hope that it really isnt as bad as it's looking.
maybe a girl like me isnt ready for world of that
maybe i should just hold on tight do what i have to do now
and "panic" about ending up alone later.
so when you males out there decide to change up your criteria,
give me a shout.
but for now?
-deuces.
8.27.2009
mindset of the week: a note to people w. hate
hey everybody i know im very late with this one
but sunday night my creative juices just werent flowing.
so tonight im feeling a bit full..
and need to release some of it,
a memo to those who have hate:
it has occured to me quite recently,
the amount of verbal release people do frequently.
and it isnt to my face.. as a matter of fact
no one has the courage, so its kept behind my back.
behind closed doors, where it isnt confirmed or considered "really said"
but just a little side note to those who do this..
im filled with so much knowlede,
as if im recieving head.
as if those people you trust,
are really taking it in for the sake of you..
the shit you decide to broadcast about me is coming back my way..
and believe it to be true.
ive heard so many things..
its comical..
i choose to laugh.
this whole he said she said buisness, yall retarted..
i repeat yall are daft.
cause ive been accused of all these things
how many of you really know me?
can you point me out in a room..
ill stand beside a bunch of people,
go on and show me.
cause in that case its true
you like to run youre mouth..
its what you do..
and who am i to keep you from youre day job,
dont let me intrude.
its what youre known for
you be like the newspaper
"toronto sun" but let me take in all of your stories.
how many's true?
not a single one.
cause you create controversy to get attention
without it your a nobody in everybody's eyes..
you cant be appreciated for who you are,
so you sell out pointless lies.
so shall i demonstrate what you tryna create?
give you a good example, to get love with out dishin out hate?
ill give some time to procreate one top notch rate.. [tic toc]
youre outta time, sweetie i won
your done.. checkmate.
so affiliate my name with nothing that comes out your mouth,
cause its sad you use my name to show others what youve been about.
to have haters i guess im proud,
cause what are they achieving in the here and the now?
all they doing is contributing to my laughter, does that statement induce a rising of your brow?
cause take it in..
i give it to 'em simply like
LAUGH OUT LOUD
but sunday night my creative juices just werent flowing.
so tonight im feeling a bit full..
and need to release some of it,
a memo to those who have hate:
it has occured to me quite recently,
the amount of verbal release people do frequently.
and it isnt to my face.. as a matter of fact
no one has the courage, so its kept behind my back.
behind closed doors, where it isnt confirmed or considered "really said"
but just a little side note to those who do this..
im filled with so much knowlede,
as if im recieving head.
as if those people you trust,
are really taking it in for the sake of you..
the shit you decide to broadcast about me is coming back my way..
and believe it to be true.
ive heard so many things..
its comical..
i choose to laugh.
this whole he said she said buisness, yall retarted..
i repeat yall are daft.
cause ive been accused of all these things
how many of you really know me?
can you point me out in a room..
ill stand beside a bunch of people,
go on and show me.
cause in that case its true
you like to run youre mouth..
its what you do..
and who am i to keep you from youre day job,
dont let me intrude.
its what youre known for
you be like the newspaper
"toronto sun" but let me take in all of your stories.
how many's true?
not a single one.
cause you create controversy to get attention
without it your a nobody in everybody's eyes..
you cant be appreciated for who you are,
so you sell out pointless lies.
so shall i demonstrate what you tryna create?
give you a good example, to get love with out dishin out hate?
ill give some time to procreate one top notch rate.. [tic toc]
youre outta time, sweetie i won
your done.. checkmate.
so affiliate my name with nothing that comes out your mouth,
cause its sad you use my name to show others what youve been about.
to have haters i guess im proud,
cause what are they achieving in the here and the now?
all they doing is contributing to my laughter, does that statement induce a rising of your brow?
cause take it in..
i give it to 'em simply like
LAUGH OUT LOUD
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