* heart beat
i have an adrenaline rush
my eyes are wide my tongue is dry
im movin.
i have a goal,
but i dont know what it is
my brain is frying like thisss
*fizz
im movin.
my eyes blur from the alcoholic pressures
patrone reaches the top of my eyes
tired of hearing what the shrink gotta lecture
*blaw blaw blaw
im movin.
it seams as though i get a feeling good bad or ugly and
my first instinct is to move from it
cant handle the feeling
because im tired of feeling feelings
because w.e feeling you try to get me to feel..
gets me moving.
gets me hurting.
gets me thinking
thoughts they make my soul be sinking
gets me low instead of high
goin to sleep not know how im gettin by..
or should i say bye?
cause im moving
12.27.2009
12.25.2009
merry christmas *
well hello everyone,
and merry christmas to all
i hope everyone stays safe..
and gets what their hearts desire..
remember to be safe;
and be with family.
merry christmas from yours truly
meagan d fiddes
*muah
and merry christmas to all
i hope everyone stays safe..
and gets what their hearts desire..
remember to be safe;
and be with family.
merry christmas from yours truly
meagan d fiddes
*muah
12.19.2009
dear unexpected audience
sincerely meagan... i think.
the passion that runs through my vains,
is the same passion i bleed on paper..
but i dont loose anything, in this case i gain.
an outside view as to what i know my heart believes;
but i read it as a reminder so i stay on the path i wanna indeed complete,
because when i get side tracked, and cant get back.. to the spot i left bread crumbs to follow back
as if they blew away not intended for me to find my way..
but i couldnt loose myself the way i loose my head these days
dont know who i intend to be, cause it changes so drastically
one day i wanna be the one to save them lives..
the next i wanna end my own internally,
cause im dyin on the inside
cryin on the inside
hurtin, cuttin, beatin, i aint nothin on the inside
because now the insides hold no insides
hollow is what has become on the insides and i hide
my self deeper on the inside and i try to reverse what i know i show here on the inside
because the outside has always got that negative attention
because people can come up with their own perception from looking on the outside
but if they knew the inside could they say anything at all?
could they know your flaws crack define words spillin from your jaw at all?
can i know who is reading this?
can i know who i affect?
could i bleed the truth get deep to the root,
know what issue i can highlight and detect?
not substantially, cause you see im not on the inside
because im to busy being who i figure fits easy..
cause myself is to busy hiding on the inside.
dear unexpected audience,
the passion that runs through my vains,
is the same passion i bleed on paper..
but i dont loose anything, in this case i gain.
an outside view as to what i know my heart believes;
but i read it as a reminder so i stay on the path i wanna indeed complete,
because when i get side tracked, and cant get back.. to the spot i left bread crumbs to follow back
as if they blew away not intended for me to find my way..
but i couldnt loose myself the way i loose my head these days
dont know who i intend to be, cause it changes so drastically
one day i wanna be the one to save them lives..
the next i wanna end my own internally,
cause im dyin on the inside
cryin on the inside
hurtin, cuttin, beatin, i aint nothin on the inside
because now the insides hold no insides
hollow is what has become on the insides and i hide
my self deeper on the inside and i try to reverse what i know i show here on the inside
because the outside has always got that negative attention
because people can come up with their own perception from looking on the outside
but if they knew the inside could they say anything at all?
could they know your flaws crack define words spillin from your jaw at all?
can i know who is reading this?
can i know who i affect?
could i bleed the truth get deep to the root,
know what issue i can highlight and detect?
not substantially, cause you see im not on the inside
because im to busy being who i figure fits easy..
cause myself is to busy hiding on the inside.
dear unexpected audience,
12.16.2009
you the dope
its ecstasy,
it takes you on a higher note.
then drop.
he's feindin,
and your his brand of dope,
sex-sleep- skip the convo-
state of shock
you got on a high level,
cause youre so used to bein low,
gave you an opportunity to for once not be
(8) solo dolo
but when you shiver and your body quakes
the skin on your bones seperate and break,
its the ecstasy talkin,
and his words be walkin
in your head and then
you allow him to take:
the dope the dealer couldnt ever supply.
it takes you on a higher note.
then drop.
he's feindin,
and your his brand of dope,
sex-sleep- skip the convo-
state of shock
you got on a high level,
cause youre so used to bein low,
gave you an opportunity to for once not be
(8) solo dolo
but when you shiver and your body quakes
the skin on your bones seperate and break,
its the ecstasy talkin,
and his words be walkin
in your head and then
you allow him to take:
the dope the dealer couldnt ever supply.
12.14.2009
mind of a man
hello hello hello:
so tonight something said to me struck me,
an individual was talking to me and brought up the fact
that i have a blog,
and when he looked at it he came back and said : "oh girly stuff"
this particular comment struck me, because what defines something as
"girly" what in a piece of writing gives it a feminist view on something,
cant the truth simply be the truth?
so tonight i decided to get a bit rough,
maybe put a spin on things.
so here is a mind of a man:
"i got women drippin off of me,
women slipin onto me;
holdin my hand, doin a dance.. damn
she right ontop of me.
she makin it so easy, she make her appearance seem
that much more cheap, ah dam she started talkin,
bitch shutup, i never asked to hear you speak.
the persona of her movements strike me more then the words from her mouth because
i never asked for intimate, im doing this cause this is a typical night out,
dont wanna business with her name, nor her number cause i aint callin,
and i hope that she can take this shit like a man, man i hope that she aint fallin
cause i aint bout to deal with that, deal with her like a dealer do,
she a deck of cards, along with all these other broads, in a deck i believe there's 52?
does it matter?
are women my cocaine?
can i help it that i could care less about her feelings,
cause all i asked for was her frame.
frame this image that i gather cause thats just how it is,
living the life of being wanted, ah damn she reachin for a kiss."
women: "i feel cheap, i feel stupid, i feel dumb on a levle i cant explain
exploit me credibility cause he says he loves me,
when im a pawn within his game..
though this aint chess,
yet he's reachin for my chest..
and i bet you he doesnt even know my name.. i bet you he couldnt guess..
can he help it that all he wants is to refer to my body like a book
could he help it when he looked at me, wanna grab me like a crook
could he help it when he cant denie that he cannot lie
could he help knowing that i can help him help it,
if he bothered showing..
showing me that naw i aint just another broad show me that
maybe ill be different, maybe i can be that girl he takes to ma..
but for now i couldnt read the expression..
couldnt take a gander to whats on his mind,
cause though he pushin deeper..
i can only read his actions..
his feelings? i couldnt find"
man: "haa this is a trip cause another ten minutes and im golden,
tell her i gotta grab something from the car,
then like a card player.. im foldin..
as in im leaving as in she wont see my face again,
as in i cant help it that i dealt it,
and just so happned to know how to play the game,
and she signed me with her body, using my own personal pen."
so..
was that girly?
so tonight something said to me struck me,
an individual was talking to me and brought up the fact
that i have a blog,
and when he looked at it he came back and said : "oh girly stuff"
this particular comment struck me, because what defines something as
"girly" what in a piece of writing gives it a feminist view on something,
cant the truth simply be the truth?
so tonight i decided to get a bit rough,
maybe put a spin on things.
so here is a mind of a man:
"i got women drippin off of me,
women slipin onto me;
holdin my hand, doin a dance.. damn
she right ontop of me.
she makin it so easy, she make her appearance seem
that much more cheap, ah dam she started talkin,
bitch shutup, i never asked to hear you speak.
the persona of her movements strike me more then the words from her mouth because
i never asked for intimate, im doing this cause this is a typical night out,
dont wanna business with her name, nor her number cause i aint callin,
and i hope that she can take this shit like a man, man i hope that she aint fallin
cause i aint bout to deal with that, deal with her like a dealer do,
she a deck of cards, along with all these other broads, in a deck i believe there's 52?
does it matter?
are women my cocaine?
can i help it that i could care less about her feelings,
cause all i asked for was her frame.
frame this image that i gather cause thats just how it is,
living the life of being wanted, ah damn she reachin for a kiss."
women: "i feel cheap, i feel stupid, i feel dumb on a levle i cant explain
exploit me credibility cause he says he loves me,
when im a pawn within his game..
though this aint chess,
yet he's reachin for my chest..
and i bet you he doesnt even know my name.. i bet you he couldnt guess..
can he help it that all he wants is to refer to my body like a book
could he help it when he looked at me, wanna grab me like a crook
could he help it when he cant denie that he cannot lie
could he help knowing that i can help him help it,
if he bothered showing..
showing me that naw i aint just another broad show me that
maybe ill be different, maybe i can be that girl he takes to ma..
but for now i couldnt read the expression..
couldnt take a gander to whats on his mind,
cause though he pushin deeper..
i can only read his actions..
his feelings? i couldnt find"
man: "haa this is a trip cause another ten minutes and im golden,
tell her i gotta grab something from the car,
then like a card player.. im foldin..
as in im leaving as in she wont see my face again,
as in i cant help it that i dealt it,
and just so happned to know how to play the game,
and she signed me with her body, using my own personal pen."
so..
was that girly?
12.08.2009
bed time pre-thought
wrap my head around dreams,
wrap my mind around getting there,
the first step in the program is acceptance,
and ive admitted i cant find that dream, if you catch it,
tell show me where.
but for the time being :
i rather have a solid reality,
then a broken dream.
goodnight,
and sweet realities.
wrap my mind around getting there,
the first step in the program is acceptance,
and ive admitted i cant find that dream, if you catch it,
tell show me where.
but for the time being :
i rather have a solid reality,
then a broken dream.
goodnight,
and sweet realities.
12.06.2009
collective recovery
i relax my mind,
and open the horizon..
claimed connection was high
like telus,sprint, or verizon.
wireless, describes my displacement.
in a displaced equation dont lie to my face
tell me that you hate it
tell me that im not
what you had your heart afflicted to,
because im tired of being lead down a ground with no path,
thats what i will prmise myself i will not do
im always willing to do the dirty work,
the labour.. like poverty nothings given in return,
you blow me out like a blunt, yet im the product
but i feel the heat off my own burn
i feel the pain of being under your aggression and never in my
existence would i give you up, fall in depression
its like life support,
and unjustified reasons for cutting it, i consider your reasoning poor.
cut the air and i cant breathe
i fall so hard i cannot think,
no gravity beneath me.
and i freeze as if im being held in place for a reason,
i forget that nothing lasts forever..
love is for a season.
a brief moment in life, and trust me it will come to pass.
no need to reconstruct my trend, i already stated,
sooner or later shit will always pass.
dont forget to be decissive with the next victim
that becomes more then hooked,
because falling under false pretensions
gave me an outlook on my own insecurities.
and open the horizon..
claimed connection was high
like telus,sprint, or verizon.
wireless, describes my displacement.
in a displaced equation dont lie to my face
tell me that you hate it
tell me that im not
what you had your heart afflicted to,
because im tired of being lead down a ground with no path,
thats what i will prmise myself i will not do
im always willing to do the dirty work,
the labour.. like poverty nothings given in return,
you blow me out like a blunt, yet im the product
but i feel the heat off my own burn
i feel the pain of being under your aggression and never in my
existence would i give you up, fall in depression
its like life support,
and unjustified reasons for cutting it, i consider your reasoning poor.
cut the air and i cant breathe
i fall so hard i cannot think,
no gravity beneath me.
and i freeze as if im being held in place for a reason,
i forget that nothing lasts forever..
love is for a season.
a brief moment in life, and trust me it will come to pass.
no need to reconstruct my trend, i already stated,
sooner or later shit will always pass.
dont forget to be decissive with the next victim
that becomes more then hooked,
because falling under false pretensions
gave me an outlook on my own insecurities.
your love had me intolerable,
baby had me shook
baby had me shook
12.03.2009
quick side note
hello
so i have a quick remark to make for the night.
everyone has a weakness.
everyone has the kryptonite
that makes them drop.
the best way to be unbeatable is to master
the kryptnite in your life.
stare it in the face.
and laugh..
whether it:
a love
a fear
a struggle
look at it and laugh.
ps: song of the night
so i have a quick remark to make for the night.
everyone has a weakness.
everyone has the kryptonite
that makes them drop.
the best way to be unbeatable is to master
the kryptnite in your life.
stare it in the face.
and laugh..
whether it:
a love
a fear
a struggle
look at it and laugh.
ps: song of the night
11.29.2009
realizing, some things just dont change
ive wasted tears;
only to drown in my own ocean.
ive wasted laughter;
just to have laughter shouted back at me.
ive wasted time;
just to realize it was all too late.
ive wasted hope;
just to see it crushed in front of me
ive wasted breath;
just to realize it got lost the minute it left my mouth.
ive wasted my love;
just to remind me that it doesnt exist for some.
but most off all ive wasted thought;
on something that never gave two seconds of thought for me.
realizing.
somethings just dont change.
only to drown in my own ocean.
ive wasted laughter;
just to have laughter shouted back at me.
ive wasted time;
just to realize it was all too late.
ive wasted hope;
just to see it crushed in front of me
ive wasted breath;
just to realize it got lost the minute it left my mouth.
ive wasted my love;
just to remind me that it doesnt exist for some.
but most off all ive wasted thought;
on something that never gave two seconds of thought for me.
realizing.
somethings just dont change.
11.22.2009
a consultation: with myself
hello everybody,
so whats new?
well im here tonight to talk about something
that i want everybody to do at some point in the near future.
a consultation: with yourself.
lately i dont know what it is but ive been judging myself
on everything. i seek out my own flaws and it hurts because so
many people think of me as someone who is confident and maybe even a tad bit conceited.
but here's the thing. im not.
a lot of people tell me how pretty i am and how beautiful i am blaw blaw blaw.
but no matter how hard i look i dont see it. now a lot of girls might
be able to find relation to this simply because every girl will look at themselves
and be able to find something wrong with themself.. but its all in how far you take it.
i can honestly confess i do not know who i am,
i know my name is meagan fiddes
i know im 16 years old, i know i have light brown eyes and cherry chestnut hair..
but.. i do not know who i am. i know i dont seem to like what i see when i look in a mirror,
but i dont know why. i dont know why it is i cant see what other people see,
its like i have been given greedy eyes, i only want what i see i dont have,
and i am blind to what is sitting right in front of me. sometimes my friends will catch me looking
in a mirror and i know they are thinking to themselves.. there she is checking herself out again,
but the truth? im asking myself why cant i look like this.. and i try to form the image i want in my head so im able to push myself to get to that levle of happieness. I try to think to myself
just imagine if you were 3 sizes smaller, these features would look so much nicer
and that shirt would fit right, and those jeans would look amazing
its all about if only's, i wonders, and i wishes. i feel prone to do something that will gain me those things.. and at any cost.
so tonight i sat down on my bed and i looked in a mirror and my goal was this:
"meagan youre gonna look in that mirror and you are gonna break yourself down piece by piece and youre gonna find what your bestfriends love.. youre gonna find what every boy that has every liked you has loved.. but most importantly youre gonna find what you love.
so i stared and stared and discovered:
i like the way my eyes look when light hits them.
i like the way my hair can be a mess, but i can play it off as a messy cute kinda thing.. y'know?
i like the way my nose is shaped
and i like the way i look when i dont have tears in my eyes.
i like the way i can write poetry and its as beautiful as the meaning behind it
i like the way i can take the most serious situation and find a way to laugh about it
i like the way i find reasoning behind things you wouldnt think of.. why do frogs ribbit?
but most of all i like the way i feel when i like the way everything is.
i find a peace inside myself, that the next time i try to look in a mirror
i dont think of if only's, i wonders, and i wishes i think..
i like this, and thats that.
so confront yourself, question yourself.. but question reasonably..
because the best feeling is feeling like you like eveyrthing you are.
*a consultation: with myself
so whats new?
well im here tonight to talk about something
that i want everybody to do at some point in the near future.
a consultation: with yourself.
lately i dont know what it is but ive been judging myself
on everything. i seek out my own flaws and it hurts because so
many people think of me as someone who is confident and maybe even a tad bit conceited.
but here's the thing. im not.
a lot of people tell me how pretty i am and how beautiful i am blaw blaw blaw.
but no matter how hard i look i dont see it. now a lot of girls might
be able to find relation to this simply because every girl will look at themselves
and be able to find something wrong with themself.. but its all in how far you take it.
i can honestly confess i do not know who i am,
i know my name is meagan fiddes
i know im 16 years old, i know i have light brown eyes and cherry chestnut hair..
but.. i do not know who i am. i know i dont seem to like what i see when i look in a mirror,
but i dont know why. i dont know why it is i cant see what other people see,
its like i have been given greedy eyes, i only want what i see i dont have,
and i am blind to what is sitting right in front of me. sometimes my friends will catch me looking
in a mirror and i know they are thinking to themselves.. there she is checking herself out again,
but the truth? im asking myself why cant i look like this.. and i try to form the image i want in my head so im able to push myself to get to that levle of happieness. I try to think to myself
just imagine if you were 3 sizes smaller, these features would look so much nicer
and that shirt would fit right, and those jeans would look amazing
its all about if only's, i wonders, and i wishes. i feel prone to do something that will gain me those things.. and at any cost.
so tonight i sat down on my bed and i looked in a mirror and my goal was this:
"meagan youre gonna look in that mirror and you are gonna break yourself down piece by piece and youre gonna find what your bestfriends love.. youre gonna find what every boy that has every liked you has loved.. but most importantly youre gonna find what you love.
so i stared and stared and discovered:
i like the way my eyes look when light hits them.
i like the way my hair can be a mess, but i can play it off as a messy cute kinda thing.. y'know?
i like the way my nose is shaped
and i like the way i look when i dont have tears in my eyes.
i like the way i can write poetry and its as beautiful as the meaning behind it
i like the way i can take the most serious situation and find a way to laugh about it
i like the way i find reasoning behind things you wouldnt think of.. why do frogs ribbit?
but most of all i like the way i feel when i like the way everything is.
i find a peace inside myself, that the next time i try to look in a mirror
i dont think of if only's, i wonders, and i wishes i think..
i like this, and thats that.
so confront yourself, question yourself.. but question reasonably..
because the best feeling is feeling like you like eveyrthing you are.
*a consultation: with myself
11.09.2009
Been there, done that, walked around
hola,
so tonight i dont feel like ranting.
i feel like expressing.
yes there is a difference.
a rant would be me telling you
every single thing that crosses my mind, pointless. no?
but me expressing whats real, is concise yet sets the image
im aiming for you to see.
have you ever felt like the world has nothing left to offer?
like you litterly "been there done that and walked around" ?
like youve seen all that youve needed to see, maybe even enough to make
you yell out enough is enough, i cant take this world anymore?
i have.
i get frustrated. i get anxious. i get wasted inside.
i almost get drunk, because ive intoxicated myself with
the alcohol this world puts in me.
ive over loaded on how much i can actually handle.
i am intoxicated.
yet i can walk around, and that is the downfall in it all.
i wait for someone to bring change, for something to sober me.
im waiting for someone to break a stereotype.
im waiting for a girl to become president.
im waiting for a guy to fall in love and be 100% genuine in the matter
[i wanna see that for myself]
im waiting for wars to be a part of history, and not our future.
i want something to happen where i can have no opportunity to say
been there, done that, walked around.
-bring it-
so tonight i dont feel like ranting.
i feel like expressing.
yes there is a difference.
a rant would be me telling you
every single thing that crosses my mind, pointless. no?
but me expressing whats real, is concise yet sets the image
im aiming for you to see.
have you ever felt like the world has nothing left to offer?
like you litterly "been there done that and walked around" ?
like youve seen all that youve needed to see, maybe even enough to make
you yell out enough is enough, i cant take this world anymore?
i have.
i get frustrated. i get anxious. i get wasted inside.
i almost get drunk, because ive intoxicated myself with
the alcohol this world puts in me.
ive over loaded on how much i can actually handle.
i am intoxicated.
yet i can walk around, and that is the downfall in it all.
i wait for someone to bring change, for something to sober me.
im waiting for someone to break a stereotype.
im waiting for a girl to become president.
im waiting for a guy to fall in love and be 100% genuine in the matter
[i wanna see that for myself]
im waiting for wars to be a part of history, and not our future.
i want something to happen where i can have no opportunity to say
been there, done that, walked around.
-bring it-
10.26.2009
play them cards right
Hello !
what is up yall?
i have been super duper busy,
so i havnt gotten to hit up the blog scene in a minute,
but i figured tonight i have some time so might aswell burn it.
what do you do when you have 5 options in front of you?
do you pick the first thing you see?
do you do innie minnie miney moe?
do you front and stress?
do you take up all of them?
whats your happy median?
where do you draw a line..
i always would stress when i had to many options,
id frunt on my self thinking..
its a problem.
yes laugh..
i thought having doorways.. was a problem.
ahahahahahahahahaha
*dead.
my thing was i never knew how to disperse what i was doing.
so i went to a wise friend of mine and showed him what it was.
he brought it to me like this:
play your cards right.
as if it was a line straight outta a tupac song?
he broke it down for me and it made sense.
why am i gonna trip over having options?
arent options what we look for these days, a variety..
its like what would you prefer? manderin? or McD's
like its all about thinking ahead as to what youre doing, draw that happy
median as to where
you drop your cards..
and pick up more.
cause sometimes the last thing you need is a full house,
drop the weak cards,
save those strong ones, and
play em right.
and dont feel intimidated..
cause dam..
*you need to run it for your own self
what is up yall?
i have been super duper busy,
so i havnt gotten to hit up the blog scene in a minute,
but i figured tonight i have some time so might aswell burn it.
what do you do when you have 5 options in front of you?
do you pick the first thing you see?
do you do innie minnie miney moe?
do you front and stress?
do you take up all of them?
whats your happy median?
where do you draw a line..
i always would stress when i had to many options,
id frunt on my self thinking..
its a problem.
yes laugh..
i thought having doorways.. was a problem.
ahahahahahahahahaha
*dead.
my thing was i never knew how to disperse what i was doing.
so i went to a wise friend of mine and showed him what it was.
he brought it to me like this:
play your cards right.
as if it was a line straight outta a tupac song?
he broke it down for me and it made sense.
why am i gonna trip over having options?
arent options what we look for these days, a variety..
its like what would you prefer? manderin? or McD's
like its all about thinking ahead as to what youre doing, draw that happy
median as to where
you drop your cards..
and pick up more.
cause sometimes the last thing you need is a full house,
drop the weak cards,
save those strong ones, and
play em right.
and dont feel intimidated..
cause dam..
*you need to run it for your own self
10.18.2009
my drug addiction
crack,
mixed with a lil cocaine,
you supress my nerves like a drug;
but here i got more to gain,
skip the injections..
i get straight to the high
dont have to over dose on anything,
cause lovin you gives me life.
high like indescribable,
me lovin you, just understand its
undeniable,
undeniable like the adrenaline flowin,
and the context of my emotions pourin out with out me knowin
its deep.
like a cliff with no bottom,
and when pulled apart i need revival,
pull out the meds.. i want em.
i need em, cause you are just that drug..
and when its me against you it fits so right,
i consider it more comfortable then smug.
so let me skip the pain and negetive..
get straight to the high..
because ive been through enough shit
so this is it,
and i aint ever lettin you pass me by.
-you are my drug
mixed with a lil cocaine,
you supress my nerves like a drug;
but here i got more to gain,
skip the injections..
i get straight to the high
dont have to over dose on anything,
cause lovin you gives me life.
high like indescribable,
me lovin you, just understand its
undeniable,
undeniable like the adrenaline flowin,
and the context of my emotions pourin out with out me knowin
its deep.
like a cliff with no bottom,
and when pulled apart i need revival,
pull out the meds.. i want em.
i need em, cause you are just that drug..
and when its me against you it fits so right,
i consider it more comfortable then smug.
so let me skip the pain and negetive..
get straight to the high..
because ive been through enough shit
so this is it,
and i aint ever lettin you pass me by.
-you are my drug
10.13.2009
inspite of the crowd
good evening everybody,
so tonight i dont wanna talk about the same thing,
i wanna do somethin new,
so tonight i wanna talk about the crowd.
ever since we were children we are taught to
recognize things in groups.
and it doesnt change as we grow older.
from learning:
-fruits
-vegetable
-meats
-junk
to facing realities in school:
-nerds
-populars
-artsy kids
-comedians
we always associate things back to a group.
a crowd. when youre at school, and you're on lunch,
do you ever try to sit by yourself? or do you frantically
search to find a familiar face, so you dont stand out
but more so blend in. people these days,
mostly youth/teens feel like standing out is a bad thing,
its like we always need that comfort zone, or things go out of
wack. but have you ever thought that inspite of the crowd
you are something unique, different, and special?
dont always think you need a shelter covering you blending you in,
break the norm, and maybe even try sitting by yourself one day.
because there might be 100,000 people around you,
but i bet you, not one of them can build the person
that you are.
thats just going against the crowd.
so tonight i dont wanna talk about the same thing,
i wanna do somethin new,
so tonight i wanna talk about the crowd.
ever since we were children we are taught to
recognize things in groups.
and it doesnt change as we grow older.
from learning:
-fruits
-vegetable
-meats
-junk
to facing realities in school:
-nerds
-populars
-artsy kids
-comedians
we always associate things back to a group.
a crowd. when youre at school, and you're on lunch,
do you ever try to sit by yourself? or do you frantically
search to find a familiar face, so you dont stand out
but more so blend in. people these days,
mostly youth/teens feel like standing out is a bad thing,
its like we always need that comfort zone, or things go out of
wack. but have you ever thought that inspite of the crowd
you are something unique, different, and special?
dont always think you need a shelter covering you blending you in,
break the norm, and maybe even try sitting by yourself one day.
because there might be 100,000 people around you,
but i bet you, not one of them can build the person
that you are.
thats just going against the crowd.
10.11.2009
selebit*
hello,
good evening..
soon to be good morning.
right now theres something going through me.
it isnt sitting well.
it doesnt feel right,
im trying to figure out how to give a word to the deffinition.
have you ever woke up looked to both sides of you
and felt like something changed from when you went to sleep
to when you woke up?
have you ever tried to speak but when you did,
your thoughts didnt even make sense?
i have an abstinence for nonsense.
i dont allow it,
i dont do it,
nor understand the point in it.
its almost like being selebit to the superficial of the world.
so when i dont feel like the real me,
it bothers me like you wouldnt believe.
im havin moodswings,
im havin cravings.. not for food
but for something real.
i wanna hear someone tell me a realization
they had, because thats when i smile.
i just wanna be broken.
then be fixed.
i wanna struggle,
but float within an instant;
and i wanna know when i wake up in the morning,
my life is as real as i left it..
even though it aint as completely real
as i want it.
selebit to the superficial,
and thats how its staying.
good evening..
soon to be good morning.
right now theres something going through me.
it isnt sitting well.
it doesnt feel right,
im trying to figure out how to give a word to the deffinition.
have you ever woke up looked to both sides of you
and felt like something changed from when you went to sleep
to when you woke up?
have you ever tried to speak but when you did,
your thoughts didnt even make sense?
i have an abstinence for nonsense.
i dont allow it,
i dont do it,
nor understand the point in it.
its almost like being selebit to the superficial of the world.
so when i dont feel like the real me,
it bothers me like you wouldnt believe.
im havin moodswings,
im havin cravings.. not for food
but for something real.
i wanna hear someone tell me a realization
they had, because thats when i smile.
i just wanna be broken.
then be fixed.
i wanna struggle,
but float within an instant;
and i wanna know when i wake up in the morning,
my life is as real as i left it..
even though it aint as completely real
as i want it.
selebit to the superficial,
and thats how its staying.
10.01.2009
failing to function.
hello world.
so im blogging.
im sharing a piece of feeling,
an oppinion,
a theory..
as to how im thinkin.
so i realize..
these days girls [including myself] complain about guys.
a lot. more than necessary. its like everytime a guy does us wrong,
we complain and generalize their whole species.
i just thought to myself. there must be somebody out there,
someone that will look at you and see the world in your eyes.
there is someone out there that will see you when youre sick and claim,
youve never looked better.
there is someone out there that will see the extra little chubby part on your stomach,
and consider it more to love.
there is someone who will watch all of your flaws, but say you're perfect.
the affection they have for you will cause blindness towards all that you see as, blemishes.
yea of course i wish i could say i knew who it was going to be,
and there are many times we feel we found the person we felt would be this individual,
but the truth is i cant say i know where that mr."built for me" is.
i never thought to think about the possibility that maybe there is a reason
maybe there is a point, as to why it hasnt happned yet.
maybe the surface of what im expecting, is holding me back
from finding the deeper connection im looking for.
maybe i myself am the reason i cant find an individual who will love and accept me.
maybe its my high expectation that is limiting me from what i need.
the typical guy i go for, never worked for me before..
so why do i chase the same thing now?
its like a child touching a stove continuously, you get burned regardless.
maybe the anxiety built inside of me feels it cant "settle"
and it just wants what has never worked before..
even though it needs what its been to afraid to try.
so im blogging.
im sharing a piece of feeling,
an oppinion,
a theory..
as to how im thinkin.
so i realize..
these days girls [including myself] complain about guys.
a lot. more than necessary. its like everytime a guy does us wrong,
we complain and generalize their whole species.
i just thought to myself. there must be somebody out there,
someone that will look at you and see the world in your eyes.
there is someone out there that will see you when youre sick and claim,
youve never looked better.
there is someone out there that will see the extra little chubby part on your stomach,
and consider it more to love.
there is someone who will watch all of your flaws, but say you're perfect.
the affection they have for you will cause blindness towards all that you see as, blemishes.
yea of course i wish i could say i knew who it was going to be,
and there are many times we feel we found the person we felt would be this individual,
but the truth is i cant say i know where that mr."built for me" is.
i never thought to think about the possibility that maybe there is a reason
maybe there is a point, as to why it hasnt happned yet.
maybe the surface of what im expecting, is holding me back
from finding the deeper connection im looking for.
maybe i myself am the reason i cant find an individual who will love and accept me.
maybe its my high expectation that is limiting me from what i need.
the typical guy i go for, never worked for me before..
so why do i chase the same thing now?
its like a child touching a stove continuously, you get burned regardless.
maybe the anxiety built inside of me feels it cant "settle"
and it just wants what has never worked before..
even though it needs what its been to afraid to try.
9.19.2009
R E L I G I O N
helloooooooooo !
soo tonight i have something superduper amazing to talk about. and i know
by the title some of you are like, oh great.. saturday night church.
but thats not what im doing tonight. so last night i went to my friend
erica's birthday get together at her house, and i was talking to some people
and some how we got on the topic of "run this town" and the back masking in it,
and the hidden lyrics. i knew that jay-z's song "99 problems" had mack masking in it..
but i never knew jay-z was a big time satanist that ALL his music contained it?
[or majority anyways] so today as i was sick i thought im bored.. i want to do some research.
so i did research on jay-z and this devil business and i came to learn and discover
how many other artists do this. from the rocawear logo.. to beyonce's alter ego "sasha fierce"
[which actually derived from the demonic egyptian princess "sasha" way back before jesus' time]
to rihanna using it in her umbrella song! i came to discover sooo many things about the music industry and how many artists use it that i [for the first time in all of my life] hesitated to
listen to music. i usually play music no matter WHAT im doing.. whether im on the comp, cleaning my room, reading, watching tv, on a bus somewhere; but today i hesitated just because
all i could think about was the fact that.. what am i really listening too? what is actually being
told to me when i listen to these songs. I BET none of you know that soulja boy's "crank that"
has back masking in it too. its not dissing god.. but played backwards it talks about eminem
being emo.. and how white people "steal his food" in the metephor speaking "white people
take the food off his table/money out his pockets" havnt you ever wondered why back in Beyonce's destiny child days her music was so relaxed almost and "pop-ish" but nowa days she always look like she is having some mental breakdown in her videos? its only ever since she has been with jay has these occurences taken place. i look at things like this and cant help but wonder.. what else is going on around me that i have no idea about that influences me everyday?
something as bold face as "3-6 mafia" NEVER occured to me its meaning, i never thought to put
2 and 2 together. and that is something blatently obvious. it made me start questioning
where i am with my faith. Religion to me has always been something important, but i wont
front i cant say it has always dominated my life. i pray before i sleep, and usually before i eat
but i never actually free willingly sit down and connect with God for a minute. It struck
fear into me of where im going to be when my life is done. who i will be before i die, and what path my life is set to follow because of my lack of spiritual connection. it genuinly scares me because i dont know what position im in right now, i cant actualy be certain that if i died right now where id be. and to me.. that is a problem. i want to be sure of where ill be for all of eternity.
it just shocked me that music, something i spend most of my life making, listening to, enjoying,
doing everything too... could have such evil in it.
just gave me a glance at something ive never seen before.
soo tonight i have something superduper amazing to talk about. and i know
by the title some of you are like, oh great.. saturday night church.
but thats not what im doing tonight. so last night i went to my friend
erica's birthday get together at her house, and i was talking to some people
and some how we got on the topic of "run this town" and the back masking in it,
and the hidden lyrics. i knew that jay-z's song "99 problems" had mack masking in it..
but i never knew jay-z was a big time satanist that ALL his music contained it?
[or majority anyways] so today as i was sick i thought im bored.. i want to do some research.
so i did research on jay-z and this devil business and i came to learn and discover
how many other artists do this. from the rocawear logo.. to beyonce's alter ego "sasha fierce"
[which actually derived from the demonic egyptian princess "sasha" way back before jesus' time]
to rihanna using it in her umbrella song! i came to discover sooo many things about the music industry and how many artists use it that i [for the first time in all of my life] hesitated to
listen to music. i usually play music no matter WHAT im doing.. whether im on the comp, cleaning my room, reading, watching tv, on a bus somewhere; but today i hesitated just because
all i could think about was the fact that.. what am i really listening too? what is actually being
told to me when i listen to these songs. I BET none of you know that soulja boy's "crank that"
has back masking in it too. its not dissing god.. but played backwards it talks about eminem
being emo.. and how white people "steal his food" in the metephor speaking "white people
take the food off his table/money out his pockets" havnt you ever wondered why back in Beyonce's destiny child days her music was so relaxed almost and "pop-ish" but nowa days she always look like she is having some mental breakdown in her videos? its only ever since she has been with jay has these occurences taken place. i look at things like this and cant help but wonder.. what else is going on around me that i have no idea about that influences me everyday?
something as bold face as "3-6 mafia" NEVER occured to me its meaning, i never thought to put
2 and 2 together. and that is something blatently obvious. it made me start questioning
where i am with my faith. Religion to me has always been something important, but i wont
front i cant say it has always dominated my life. i pray before i sleep, and usually before i eat
but i never actually free willingly sit down and connect with God for a minute. It struck
fear into me of where im going to be when my life is done. who i will be before i die, and what path my life is set to follow because of my lack of spiritual connection. it genuinly scares me because i dont know what position im in right now, i cant actualy be certain that if i died right now where id be. and to me.. that is a problem. i want to be sure of where ill be for all of eternity.
it just shocked me that music, something i spend most of my life making, listening to, enjoying,
doing everything too... could have such evil in it.
just gave me a glance at something ive never seen before.
9.17.2009
finding that spark.
good evening,
hows everyone?
im hoping yall are doing well.
tonight i thought to myself..
i have the drive to write right now..
but i dont have the spark to find what it is i want to discuss.
i feel a creative outburst bubbling inside me,
but when i start typing, its like verbal throwup.
it comes out messy. i force myself to a topic then it comes out the wrong way.
what does it take to be a good writer?
what do my pieces need to provoke the reader to catch a feeling,
that cannot be described? when someone reads my writing
i want them to be so taken aback by what im saying
that selfishly [on my part] the whole point of what im saying..
could be forgotten, but that feeling of reading something meaningful
sufficed you.
is it like saying..
-you want to go swimming and not get wet?
because the words being the water you indulged yourself in yet
the moisture didnt over power you? thats what weak writing is.
its going swimming with out getting wet.
if you cannot indulge yourself in what you are putting yourself into,
what is the point of indulging in the first place?
it's about finding that spark.
you dont just wack two sticks together and boom, you have fire.
it takes a spark, an ignation.
something to sprout from.
its a paradox within another paradox.
a paradox is something that doesnt make sense.
so even though a paradox is something obscured..
cant meaningless writing be a paradox?
because it doesnt make sense to write if there is no feeling in it.
it doesnt make sense.
a paradox.
paradox writing.
the point behind this very entry..
is it paradox writing?
-or did some where deep inside of you,
did some sort of feeling,
or emotion get aroused.
did i rpovoke thought?
*because if so i accomplished something,
and i guess i found my spark.
hows everyone?
im hoping yall are doing well.
tonight i thought to myself..
i have the drive to write right now..
but i dont have the spark to find what it is i want to discuss.
i feel a creative outburst bubbling inside me,
but when i start typing, its like verbal throwup.
it comes out messy. i force myself to a topic then it comes out the wrong way.
what does it take to be a good writer?
what do my pieces need to provoke the reader to catch a feeling,
that cannot be described? when someone reads my writing
i want them to be so taken aback by what im saying
that selfishly [on my part] the whole point of what im saying..
could be forgotten, but that feeling of reading something meaningful
sufficed you.
is it like saying..
-you want to go swimming and not get wet?
because the words being the water you indulged yourself in yet
the moisture didnt over power you? thats what weak writing is.
its going swimming with out getting wet.
if you cannot indulge yourself in what you are putting yourself into,
what is the point of indulging in the first place?
it's about finding that spark.
you dont just wack two sticks together and boom, you have fire.
it takes a spark, an ignation.
something to sprout from.
its a paradox within another paradox.
a paradox is something that doesnt make sense.
so even though a paradox is something obscured..
cant meaningless writing be a paradox?
because it doesnt make sense to write if there is no feeling in it.
it doesnt make sense.
a paradox.
paradox writing.
the point behind this very entry..
is it paradox writing?
-or did some where deep inside of you,
did some sort of feeling,
or emotion get aroused.
did i rpovoke thought?
*because if so i accomplished something,
and i guess i found my spark.
9.09.2009
you cant fight fire with fire
what happens when you add 2 buckets of water?
you get more water.
what happens when you put garbage together?
it makes more garbage.
do you see where im going with this?
when you fight fire with fire it only creates more flames
ignorence breeds ignorence..
it takes but one person to step up and be more mature in a situation
and let the other person throw their flames at you, and waste their breath right?
when someone cusses at you, and you cuss back what happens?
the cussing goes outta controll right?
right.
in those situations things never gets resolved because everyone is doing the same thing.
i see people fight and its the same charade over and over again.
girl yells,
other girl proceeds to yell..
hair pulled..
like, really?
come on.
cant you step it up
do something different?
or be the bigger person?
you cant fight fire with fire.
it only creates more flames..
more tension.. more heat.
so im gonna keep it short and sweet because i have school tomorrow...
*how about instead of fighting with fire.. creating more combustion..
why dont you give water a try?
whatever that water may be.
you get more water.
what happens when you put garbage together?
it makes more garbage.
do you see where im going with this?
when you fight fire with fire it only creates more flames
ignorence breeds ignorence..
it takes but one person to step up and be more mature in a situation
and let the other person throw their flames at you, and waste their breath right?
when someone cusses at you, and you cuss back what happens?
the cussing goes outta controll right?
right.
in those situations things never gets resolved because everyone is doing the same thing.
i see people fight and its the same charade over and over again.
girl yells,
other girl proceeds to yell..
hair pulled..
like, really?
come on.
cant you step it up
do something different?
or be the bigger person?
you cant fight fire with fire.
it only creates more flames..
more tension.. more heat.
so im gonna keep it short and sweet because i have school tomorrow...
*how about instead of fighting with fire.. creating more combustion..
why dont you give water a try?
whatever that water may be.
9.07.2009
the first person to love, is yourself
evening folks,
havnt written in a while, but tonight
something more powerfull,then a "OMG LAST DAY OF SUMMER"
article is in place. as young adults [teenagers] most of us get caught up
in being accepted, in feeling loved..
in having that other person at the end of the day to say
"dont dream of me to hard now" before you go to sleep
we strive on the fact that having someone in our lives is a key role in "growing up".
we alter and change ourselves to meet somebody else's standards
and diminish ourselves so that we are no longer who we are,
but a beautiful idea in someone else's eyes. we try so hard to fall in love..
that it no longer is love, its lust.
we try to do it so quickly, and meaninglessly that we trap ourselves
in a "in the moment" situation, where we just feel hurt in the end.
and then on top of that.. we question why we are hurting, why it failed
and why things never seam to work.
we hurt ourselves thinking that we arent good enough.
or that we are too fat
or we are too skinny
or our chest is to flat
or men.. why you're not "deezed"
or.. yea no mention needed [lol]
we always criticize ourselves.
just because a person didnt find our qualities "to their standards"
why is it.. in every situation, we are the ones with the problem?
why is it everytime a relationship [if you even want to call it that] fails, we blame ourself?
why are you at fault?
i use to do the same thing.
i used to lay and stare at the ceiling asking "what is wrong with me?"
wasted tears because i thought the root of the problem was myself.
when subsequently i should put everyone else after myself.
intead if foccussing on finding love in someone else...
i should start loving myself.
*i never gave myself the chance to believe; im better then what you take me for
havnt written in a while, but tonight
something more powerfull,then a "OMG LAST DAY OF SUMMER"
article is in place. as young adults [teenagers] most of us get caught up
in being accepted, in feeling loved..
in having that other person at the end of the day to say
"dont dream of me to hard now" before you go to sleep
we strive on the fact that having someone in our lives is a key role in "growing up".
we alter and change ourselves to meet somebody else's standards
and diminish ourselves so that we are no longer who we are,
but a beautiful idea in someone else's eyes. we try so hard to fall in love..
that it no longer is love, its lust.
we try to do it so quickly, and meaninglessly that we trap ourselves
in a "in the moment" situation, where we just feel hurt in the end.
and then on top of that.. we question why we are hurting, why it failed
and why things never seam to work.
we hurt ourselves thinking that we arent good enough.
or that we are too fat
or we are too skinny
or our chest is to flat
or men.. why you're not "deezed"
or.. yea no mention needed [lol]
we always criticize ourselves.
just because a person didnt find our qualities "to their standards"
why is it.. in every situation, we are the ones with the problem?
why is it everytime a relationship [if you even want to call it that] fails, we blame ourself?
why are you at fault?
i use to do the same thing.
i used to lay and stare at the ceiling asking "what is wrong with me?"
wasted tears because i thought the root of the problem was myself.
when subsequently i should put everyone else after myself.
intead if foccussing on finding love in someone else...
i should start loving myself.
*i never gave myself the chance to believe; im better then what you take me for
8.31.2009
mindset of the week: the perfect mistake
the perfect mistake
trembling..
hearts stops, realistically speaking
the speed in my heart beat drops..
a faster heart rate is what im seaking, to continue breathing
i hold a candle to my blurry vision because i cant believe
what confronts before me, cant fathem what im seeing
its like the reality behind a tradgity brought the joy my soul needs,
a keeper to keep its keeping's.
it seamed so unbelievable, couldnt controll the joy
inside me because of my recent find
something i never thought would come laying infront my eyes
seamingly perfect.. even with the flaws
i could have loved him unconditionally, not needing any cause
could have given him strength when he was knocked to the curb
could have showed him the real, when no one made it occur
cause when your windy days tries to blow you away, ill hold you down,
so hold that one in your heart. cause i look at you and think to myself,
looks like he has been hurt, something cut him up.. something sharp.
something took a bigger picture out of his life, not giving him the will to trust,
something that convinced him that all that mattered was length my hair flowed, and the size of my bust.
this at one time seamingly perfect figure revealed himself each little crack and chip and frey,
but after seeing all the damage on the product, it never mattered..
cause i loved him anyway
trembling..
hearts stops, realistically speaking
the speed in my heart beat drops..
a faster heart rate is what im seaking, to continue breathing
i hold a candle to my blurry vision because i cant believe
what confronts before me, cant fathem what im seeing
its like the reality behind a tradgity brought the joy my soul needs,
a keeper to keep its keeping's.
it seamed so unbelievable, couldnt controll the joy
inside me because of my recent find
something i never thought would come laying infront my eyes
seamingly perfect.. even with the flaws
i could have loved him unconditionally, not needing any cause
could have given him strength when he was knocked to the curb
could have showed him the real, when no one made it occur
cause when your windy days tries to blow you away, ill hold you down,
so hold that one in your heart. cause i look at you and think to myself,
looks like he has been hurt, something cut him up.. something sharp.
something took a bigger picture out of his life, not giving him the will to trust,
something that convinced him that all that mattered was length my hair flowed, and the size of my bust.
this at one time seamingly perfect figure revealed himself each little crack and chip and frey,
but after seeing all the damage on the product, it never mattered..
cause i loved him anyway
8.28.2009
a brief consideration
hello hello heloo,
so tonight as i was running,
i got into a trend of thought..
i had a long day today,
and i spent it with a friend of mine..
and some things occured to me over the course of the day.
i always wonder "how come good guys are so hard to find?"
or "why is it i see guys going after the same girls"
i see that a guy's perfect girl is:
-deep curves
-big breasts
-big backside
-long nails?
-"swag" (rolls eyes)
-piercings
-loud voices
- a girl that loves to pine
why is it a dude cant love a girl who doesnt want to have sex?
or appreciate a girl when her style is a bit different?
or go with a girl who's breasts arent as big as the "ideal"
why is it a guy cant say "i want to love you" instead of "yo can we pine?"
im so used to hearing the same thing over and over again.
a man rather idolize my bodily features then idolize my oppinion
or emotions or who i am as a person.
he rather grab me by my waist and stick me to his pelvis, and have his way.
have you eer thought to stick yourself to a chair, and hear what i have to say?
i dont need a relationship.. but its getting harder and harder to find someone.
lol, today my friend made note of the fact i live in brampton and said "yo like you live in a fishbowl, a bubble !" and i could do nothing but laugh, because its partially true.
but then it struck me, if im in a fishbowl.. and im seeing this many flaws in guys..
and the selection aint even that great, what do i really have to look forward too?
i hope that it really isnt as bad as it's looking.
maybe a girl like me isnt ready for world of that
maybe i should just hold on tight do what i have to do now
and "panic" about ending up alone later.
so when you males out there decide to change up your criteria,
give me a shout.
but for now?
-deuces.
so tonight as i was running,
i got into a trend of thought..
i had a long day today,
and i spent it with a friend of mine..
and some things occured to me over the course of the day.
i always wonder "how come good guys are so hard to find?"
or "why is it i see guys going after the same girls"
i see that a guy's perfect girl is:
-deep curves
-big breasts
-big backside
-long nails?
-"swag" (rolls eyes)
-piercings
-loud voices
- a girl that loves to pine
why is it a dude cant love a girl who doesnt want to have sex?
or appreciate a girl when her style is a bit different?
or go with a girl who's breasts arent as big as the "ideal"
why is it a guy cant say "i want to love you" instead of "yo can we pine?"
im so used to hearing the same thing over and over again.
a man rather idolize my bodily features then idolize my oppinion
or emotions or who i am as a person.
he rather grab me by my waist and stick me to his pelvis, and have his way.
have you eer thought to stick yourself to a chair, and hear what i have to say?
i dont need a relationship.. but its getting harder and harder to find someone.
lol, today my friend made note of the fact i live in brampton and said "yo like you live in a fishbowl, a bubble !" and i could do nothing but laugh, because its partially true.
but then it struck me, if im in a fishbowl.. and im seeing this many flaws in guys..
and the selection aint even that great, what do i really have to look forward too?
i hope that it really isnt as bad as it's looking.
maybe a girl like me isnt ready for world of that
maybe i should just hold on tight do what i have to do now
and "panic" about ending up alone later.
so when you males out there decide to change up your criteria,
give me a shout.
but for now?
-deuces.
8.27.2009
mindset of the week: a note to people w. hate
hey everybody i know im very late with this one
but sunday night my creative juices just werent flowing.
so tonight im feeling a bit full..
and need to release some of it,
a memo to those who have hate:
it has occured to me quite recently,
the amount of verbal release people do frequently.
and it isnt to my face.. as a matter of fact
no one has the courage, so its kept behind my back.
behind closed doors, where it isnt confirmed or considered "really said"
but just a little side note to those who do this..
im filled with so much knowlede,
as if im recieving head.
as if those people you trust,
are really taking it in for the sake of you..
the shit you decide to broadcast about me is coming back my way..
and believe it to be true.
ive heard so many things..
its comical..
i choose to laugh.
this whole he said she said buisness, yall retarted..
i repeat yall are daft.
cause ive been accused of all these things
how many of you really know me?
can you point me out in a room..
ill stand beside a bunch of people,
go on and show me.
cause in that case its true
you like to run youre mouth..
its what you do..
and who am i to keep you from youre day job,
dont let me intrude.
its what youre known for
you be like the newspaper
"toronto sun" but let me take in all of your stories.
how many's true?
not a single one.
cause you create controversy to get attention
without it your a nobody in everybody's eyes..
you cant be appreciated for who you are,
so you sell out pointless lies.
so shall i demonstrate what you tryna create?
give you a good example, to get love with out dishin out hate?
ill give some time to procreate one top notch rate.. [tic toc]
youre outta time, sweetie i won
your done.. checkmate.
so affiliate my name with nothing that comes out your mouth,
cause its sad you use my name to show others what youve been about.
to have haters i guess im proud,
cause what are they achieving in the here and the now?
all they doing is contributing to my laughter, does that statement induce a rising of your brow?
cause take it in..
i give it to 'em simply like
LAUGH OUT LOUD
but sunday night my creative juices just werent flowing.
so tonight im feeling a bit full..
and need to release some of it,
a memo to those who have hate:
it has occured to me quite recently,
the amount of verbal release people do frequently.
and it isnt to my face.. as a matter of fact
no one has the courage, so its kept behind my back.
behind closed doors, where it isnt confirmed or considered "really said"
but just a little side note to those who do this..
im filled with so much knowlede,
as if im recieving head.
as if those people you trust,
are really taking it in for the sake of you..
the shit you decide to broadcast about me is coming back my way..
and believe it to be true.
ive heard so many things..
its comical..
i choose to laugh.
this whole he said she said buisness, yall retarted..
i repeat yall are daft.
cause ive been accused of all these things
how many of you really know me?
can you point me out in a room..
ill stand beside a bunch of people,
go on and show me.
cause in that case its true
you like to run youre mouth..
its what you do..
and who am i to keep you from youre day job,
dont let me intrude.
its what youre known for
you be like the newspaper
"toronto sun" but let me take in all of your stories.
how many's true?
not a single one.
cause you create controversy to get attention
without it your a nobody in everybody's eyes..
you cant be appreciated for who you are,
so you sell out pointless lies.
so shall i demonstrate what you tryna create?
give you a good example, to get love with out dishin out hate?
ill give some time to procreate one top notch rate.. [tic toc]
youre outta time, sweetie i won
your done.. checkmate.
so affiliate my name with nothing that comes out your mouth,
cause its sad you use my name to show others what youve been about.
to have haters i guess im proud,
cause what are they achieving in the here and the now?
all they doing is contributing to my laughter, does that statement induce a rising of your brow?
cause take it in..
i give it to 'em simply like
LAUGH OUT LOUD
8.17.2009
she's always down for you
hello everyboday !
so today myself and my friend monique
had to travel down to mississauga
because my parents had lost my health card.
so i had to go all the way down there and replace it.
so the office is right outside square one,
so i figured im already down here might
aswell do some shopping [L]
so i go in the mall knowing i have to buy a pair
of shoes.. not kicks sadly.. but pumps for a sweet 16
this saturday. so i bought the shoes what ever and now i had to stress about accessories,
and the color of the shoe was awkward so i was in for a real treat finding
corresponding material to go with them
as me and my friend were passing the body shop
i couldnt help but think of my mom..
fragrance and what not..
so i thought to myself..
how many times does she go out and buy me stuff
how many times does she have to bail me out of shit
i got myself into
how many times a day do i get rude with her in which i am SOO out of place
how many times do i take it in and appreciate all the things she sacrafices
because im in the picture?
how many times do i sit down and and spend time with her when she is alone at home..
i rather go galavanting with my hoodlem friends and leave her to dry, when all she wanted was to chill with HER bestfriend?
so today i thought to myself..
instead of going buck wild in H&M buying all the beautiful trinkets my eyes laid gaze on..
i went into the body shop and went up to dude and said..
i want to buy my mom something.. he asked me is it her birthday?
special occasion? and i was like no.. i just want to buy her something..
and suprise her.
he showed me some mini gift baskets, and told me coconut was the hottest this season,
so i baught it for her.
i never even thought to care about the money i could
still have in my wallet (or in H&M's cash register)
the thought of my mom's sacrafices overpowered that,
and it drove guilt if you will into me.
i wrote a small note in a card and left it for her when she walked in the door..
something soo small, made her grin sooo many teeth,
and that felt better than any necklace around my neck would.
so the next time you go to buy
the latest nike release..
or you found out H&M is having an 80% (yes hard to resist i know i know) sale..
think about grabbing a lil summin-summin for mommy..
because through all the people that walk in and out your life..
-she's always down for you
so today myself and my friend monique
had to travel down to mississauga
because my parents had lost my health card.
so i had to go all the way down there and replace it.
so the office is right outside square one,
so i figured im already down here might
aswell do some shopping [L]
so i go in the mall knowing i have to buy a pair
of shoes.. not kicks sadly.. but pumps for a sweet 16
this saturday. so i bought the shoes what ever and now i had to stress about accessories,
and the color of the shoe was awkward so i was in for a real treat finding
corresponding material to go with them
as me and my friend were passing the body shop
i couldnt help but think of my mom..
fragrance and what not..
so i thought to myself..
how many times does she go out and buy me stuff
how many times does she have to bail me out of shit
i got myself into
how many times a day do i get rude with her in which i am SOO out of place
how many times do i take it in and appreciate all the things she sacrafices
because im in the picture?
how many times do i sit down and and spend time with her when she is alone at home..
i rather go galavanting with my hoodlem friends and leave her to dry, when all she wanted was to chill with HER bestfriend?
so today i thought to myself..
instead of going buck wild in H&M buying all the beautiful trinkets my eyes laid gaze on..
i went into the body shop and went up to dude and said..
i want to buy my mom something.. he asked me is it her birthday?
special occasion? and i was like no.. i just want to buy her something..
and suprise her.
he showed me some mini gift baskets, and told me coconut was the hottest this season,
so i baught it for her.
i never even thought to care about the money i could
still have in my wallet (or in H&M's cash register)
the thought of my mom's sacrafices overpowered that,
and it drove guilt if you will into me.
i wrote a small note in a card and left it for her when she walked in the door..
something soo small, made her grin sooo many teeth,
and that felt better than any necklace around my neck would.
so the next time you go to buy
the latest nike release..
or you found out H&M is having an 80% (yes hard to resist i know i know) sale..
think about grabbing a lil summin-summin for mommy..
because through all the people that walk in and out your life..
-she's always down for you
8.16.2009
mindset of the week: mind over matter
hello hello hello !
so this week im doing an inspiration piece.
something that shouldnt bring anyone down..
something to uplift your spirits :)
mind
matter
i got the ability
to stabalize my stability,
i have my own will..
im runnin this game,
im my own dam refferee.
im not bound by the shackles in
which i was once tied..
i can controll my well being,
and i dont have ignorence..
i have pride.
my goals are set to reach limits im told i cant achieve
because in todays world, im seen as an incompitent girl..
but i shall make it.. just believe.
it doesnt matter where youre coming from,
its where youre going right here right now,
you dont need to follow the path walken on;
start a new one, and teach younger generations how..
controll is within the being..
not who around wants to say what,
because life is for you to create there arent auditions if you work
hard enough you can make the cut
because a necesseity isnt for you to be partying drinking living it up
or what it seams to be because what
happens when you cant afford a home,
and youre stuck.. all alone..
cant even afford that blunt that got you in that mess..
do you see what im tryna get you to see?
take controll of who you are,
dont stutter.. confirm it,
say it plain, because when you take your life in your hands
make so that everybody who ever doubted you knows your name.
it isnt about it being too hard, its about getting harder towards the fact..
we all have this little thing called mind over matter..
go on,
let me see what you can do with that.
so this week im doing an inspiration piece.
something that shouldnt bring anyone down..
something to uplift your spirits :)
mind
matter
i got the ability
to stabalize my stability,
i have my own will..
im runnin this game,
im my own dam refferee.
im
which i was once tied..
i can controll my well being,
and i dont have ignorence..
i have pride.
my goals are set to reach limits im told i cant achieve
because in todays world, im seen as an incompitent girl..
but i shall make it.. just believe.
it doesnt matter where youre coming from,
its where youre going right here right now,
you dont need to follow the path walken on;
start a new one, and teach younger generations how..
controll is within the being..
not who around wants to say what,
because life is for you to create there arent auditions if you work
hard enough you can make the cut
because a necesseity isnt for you to be partying drinking living it up
or what it seams to be because what
happens when you cant afford a home,
and youre stuck.. all alone..
cant even afford that blunt that got you in that mess..
do you see what im tryna get you to see?
take controll of who you are,
dont stutter.. confirm it,
say it plain, because when you take your life in your hands
make so that everybody who ever doubted you knows your name.
it isnt about it being too hard, its about getting harder towards the fact..
we all have this little thing called mind over matter..
go on,
let me see what you can do with that.
COME FIGHT ME.
good evening world. today was pretty good,
had a bbq with two friends of mine,
im the master at cooking hamburgers..
its beeeeen decided ! but anyways on to the point of my blog tonight...
so my school..
dyouvile..
is one of the most MIXUP SCHOOLS in brampton.
everyone talks.. nobody walks.
girls complain about other girls all the time,
but do you think anyone seriously does anything?
people will stand in your face and hype up acting all big and bad..
but they won't do jack shit !
i say, if you really and truly have the energy
to yell and scream and throw down to stomp around
flailing your hands in the air..
you should have enough energy to throw a punch..
gwan and swing your left hand !
like lmao i decided this year..
if anyone approaches me having something to say to my face,
i am not even going to give them the opportunity to speak in my ear..
cause i dont care what their problem with me is..
the only thing that matters is
how they are gonna go about dealing with it
all i have to say to them is "come fight me"
no matter what the situation.. "come fight me"
obviously im not gonna say it
if they come up to me calmly to discuss a situation nicely.. or how they are feeling.. then im all ears. its when they hype up and act like a foolish ignorant uneducated individual is when i shall whip out the "come fight me"
because i have no time to hear what you have to say,
it would take me less time to pummel your ass to the ground.
Just understand, that this is the "flex"
as you teens these days like to call it.
take or leave it,
or better yet?
-come fight me.
had a bbq with two friends of mine,
im the master at cooking hamburgers..
its beeeeen decided ! but anyways on to the point of my blog tonight...
so my school..
dyouvile..
is one of the most MIXUP SCHOOLS in brampton.
everyone talks.. nobody walks.
girls complain about other girls all the time,
but do you think anyone seriously does anything?
people will stand in your face and hype up acting all big and bad..
but they won't do jack shit !
i say, if you really and truly have the energy
to yell and scream and throw down to stomp around
flailing your hands in the air..
you should have enough energy to throw a punch..
gwan and swing your left hand !
like lmao i decided this year..
if anyone approaches me having something to say to my face,
i am not even going to give them the opportunity to speak in my ear..
cause i dont care what their problem with me is..
the only thing that matters is
how they are gonna go about dealing with it
all i have to say to them is "come fight me"
no matter what the situation.. "come fight me"
obviously im not gonna say it
if they come up to me calmly to discuss a situation nicely.. or how they are feeling.. then im all ears. its when they hype up and act like a foolish ignorant uneducated individual is when i shall whip out the "come fight me"
because i have no time to hear what you have to say,
it would take me less time to pummel your ass to the ground.
Just understand, that this is the "flex"
as you teens these days like to call it.
take or leave it,
or better yet?
-come fight me.
8.15.2009
good morning.. goodnight?
wadap world..
i just walked in the door and i am HELLER tired.
today has just been an outrageous day.
i went from snug and tug in my bed under my sheets...
to out of it at SEVEN THIS MORNING.
you dont understand the intensity of that..
like really.
ugh mother felt that i should wake up..
because she was in a cheery mood,
and she still had the UTMOST AUDACITY..
to question my crankiness.
maybe it had to do with the fact i went to bed..
at oh i'd say five am.. and was risen from my slumber at seven am.
so i stayed up doing god knows what.. my mind cat think straight due
to the fact i am still running on that ridiculous 2 hour sleep..
oh i forgot to mention,
i TRIED sneaking a quick nap in..
but a wonderful combo of phone calls/text mssgs/im's/and my mother's beautiful yelling..
sleep isnt an option. i had to travel all the way to a totally different end of brampton
to go visit some dutty cattie i gave the title as my best friend.
AND THEN... i had to hit up a famo function..
where coolie people were in attendance,
you can only picture what that was like..
because EVEN THOUGH this bash was for a baby,
it did not stop the serving of rum and every other alcohol
under the sun.. accompanied by old carribean people dancing thinking they are cool,
when you just want them to stop.
in addition with remarks such as:
-oh chil, you grew soo be-a-u-ti-fa-ly (take in the breaks, because thats how it is said)
-gyal you sure you nuh want nuttin else to drink?
-come nuh, dance wit me
-eaaaaaaaaaaaat !
soo.. i am CRAVING MY PILLOW.
i am soo ready to crash and not wake up untill the week before school starts..
i say week before because of course
i need to do some SERIOUS back to school shopping..
[even thoguh i attend dyouville, and we have uniforms]
you can never have to much clothes?
ANYWAYS..
goodnight?
goodmorning?
dont matter to me..
IM SLEEEEEEEEEEEPING !
-finally
i just walked in the door and i am HELLER tired.
today has just been an outrageous day.
i went from snug and tug in my bed under my sheets...
to out of it at SEVEN THIS MORNING.
you dont understand the intensity of that..
like really.
ugh mother felt that i should wake up..
because she was in a cheery mood,
and she still had the UTMOST AUDACITY..
to question my crankiness.
maybe it had to do with the fact i went to bed..
at oh i'd say five am.. and was risen from my slumber at seven am.
so i stayed up doing god knows what.. my mind cat think straight due
to the fact i am still running on that ridiculous 2 hour sleep..
oh i forgot to mention,
i TRIED sneaking a quick nap in..
but a wonderful combo of phone calls/text mssgs/im's/and my mother's beautiful yelling..
sleep isnt an option. i had to travel all the way to a totally different end of brampton
to go visit some dutty cattie i gave the title as my best friend.
AND THEN... i had to hit up a famo function..
where coolie people were in attendance,
you can only picture what that was like..
because EVEN THOUGH this bash was for a baby,
it did not stop the serving of rum and every other alcohol
under the sun.. accompanied by old carribean people dancing thinking they are cool,
when you just want them to stop.
in addition with remarks such as:
-oh chil, you grew soo be-a-u-ti-fa-ly (take in the breaks, because thats how it is said)
-gyal you sure you nuh want nuttin else to drink?
-come nuh, dance wit me
-eaaaaaaaaaaaat !
soo.. i am CRAVING MY PILLOW.
i am soo ready to crash and not wake up untill the week before school starts..
i say week before because of course
i need to do some SERIOUS back to school shopping..
[even thoguh i attend dyouville, and we have uniforms]
you can never have to much clothes?
ANYWAYS..
goodnight?
goodmorning?
dont matter to me..
IM SLEEEEEEEEEEEPING !
-finally
8.13.2009
[8] BIG UPS!... TO ALL MY HAAATERS.
wadap !
so today i was with my friend and we were
discussing haters, and today i was informed,
how many people talk about me..
its funny that i learned
the people that come to run and hug me..
are the people who have the most to say.
today i vow that i will NOT TELL ANYBODY ANYTHING
unless you are certified family status.
and you know who you are..
i am tired of the people who have negetive comments about me
expressing themselves behind my back.
if you think you are so right in what you are saying..
why dont you come to me and express that emotion to me..
i would respect you more for it..
going beyond that though...
who is anybody, to tell me who i am,
or to oppinionate themselves with what i do..
you do not:
-live with me
-know me as an individual
-nor associate yourself with me enough to have that strong of an idea as to whoom i am.
so in conclusion since i am going to keep this short and sweet..
haters.. approach me the next time you feel something.
-*kisses; ciao :)
so today i was with my friend and we were
discussing haters, and today i was informed,
how many people talk about me..
its funny that i learned
the people that come to run and hug me..
are the people who have the most to say.
today i vow that i will NOT TELL ANYBODY ANYTHING
unless you are certified family status.
and you know who you are..
i am tired of the people who have negetive comments about me
expressing themselves behind my back.
if you think you are so right in what you are saying..
why dont you come to me and express that emotion to me..
i would respect you more for it..
going beyond that though...
who is anybody, to tell me who i am,
or to oppinionate themselves with what i do..
you do not:
-live with me
-know me as an individual
-nor associate yourself with me enough to have that strong of an idea as to whoom i am.
so in conclusion since i am going to keep this short and sweet..
haters.. approach me the next time you feel something.
-*kisses; ciao :)
8.10.2009
*mindset of the week [3]
HOLA GUYS :)
so this week im swerving away from love,
because who really wants to keep talking about that?
so im addressing swagg :
im doing this because this.. aswell.. is getting tiresome :
ps: I NEED MORE TOPICS..
make suggestions :)
thanks <3"swagg"
none of its original it's what you see in the mags..
i see plaid, i see kicks, i see skinnies, fitteds gallore,
can somebody address this tiring issue, because these days peoples "style" is poor
follow fashion, this is what i gaze upon, and believe me alla this shit i see is something im not to fond.. cause its like a song on utter repeat,
you think youre going hard, but hun you aint that smart,
cause those shoes are on everybodies feet.
its like grills.. those are very two thousand and seven
why do you think your cool when you flash a smile, hunny all you look is beggin?
why cant people wear something that not every one else is displayin...
i get so frustrated when i see girls and guys wearing the same ish, like im just saying
stiches is where girls think they can go get something cute for under "20 bones"
well you look rediculous in your stiches uniform, please save the embarresment and go back home,
every dude feels nice nowadays because they know about live stock, your not all that cool when you baught one pair of shoes, and could only afford one half of the sock..
like get real for a minute, cause im tired of seeing yall bustin out fake..
mans are tryna say "take it in i got bape on my back" when hunny i know its BAKE ...
so i dare yall come test my style. actually im saying this because i want you too,
i just want people to look different rather than like manicans,
like if you cant do so sweetie MOVE !
so this week im swerving away from love,
because who really wants to keep talking about that?
so im addressing swagg :
im doing this because this.. aswell.. is getting tiresome :
ps: I NEED MORE TOPICS..
make suggestions :)
thanks <3"swagg"
none of its original it's what you see in the mags..
i see plaid, i see kicks, i see skinnies, fitteds gallore,
can somebody address this tiring issue, because these days peoples "style" is poor
follow fashion, this is what i gaze upon, and believe me alla this shit i see is something im not to fond.. cause its like a song on utter repeat,
you think youre going hard, but hun you aint that smart,
cause those shoes are on everybodies feet.
its like grills.. those are very two thousand and seven
why do you think your cool when you flash a smile, hunny all you look is beggin?
why cant people wear something that not every one else is displayin...
i get so frustrated when i see girls and guys wearing the same ish, like im just saying
stiches is where girls think they can go get something cute for under "20 bones"
well you look rediculous in your stiches uniform, please save the embarresment and go back home,
every dude feels nice nowadays because they know about live stock, your not all that cool when you baught one pair of shoes, and could only afford one half of the sock..
like get real for a minute, cause im tired of seeing yall bustin out fake..
mans are tryna say "take it in i got bape on my back" when hunny i know its BAKE ...
so i dare yall come test my style. actually im saying this because i want you too,
i just want people to look different rather than like manicans,
like if you cant do so sweetie MOVE !
8.09.2009
*you dont know what you got till its gone
so today was an interesting day,
me and my BFFFFFFL (yes white girl moment)
sharine went to jerkfest.. yes another carribean event.
the jerk chicken was SOOOOOOOO good (shout out to island breeze carribean food)
but thats besides the point..
i realize there are guys these days who like to hype up
themselves about how they dont need you,
and they make you better (yes teefed from loso)
and blaw blaw blaw..
*now today i do not know how many looks me and my friend got but
it just goes to show..
paha i am not an ugly girl (nor my friend)
and i realize that the guys who have sadly lost me.. are the ones who loose.
its not me missing them...
its them missing me,
and in the case in which i leave them.. it hurts there ego;
causing them to hate.
so ladies, the next time a man tries to stunt on you...
just show him what it really is,
"because dont it always seam to go,
that you dont know what you got till its gone?"
8.05.2009
OLD SCHOOL TRACKS !
so today a new realization occurred to me.
now everyone likes to big up on retro trends and music right?
but how many people actually
take in the music and thoroughly listen to it?
like im sorry but when tracks like "birthday sex"
and "touch my body" are the tracks people are going crazy over,
then how exactly is valuable music being valued?
all i notice about todays music industry is that it's always about the same thing.
-sex
-money
-drugs
-alcohol
now i know that music isnt all that interesting when its about sunshine and rainbows,
but atleast when making a song about sex, can you at least refer to it as "making love"?
now today i was sitting in my vehicle listening to OTA live: unauthorized biography of ms. janet jackson.. and i was just taking in some of her older tracks, and i was like..
i much rather listen to this !
i get tired of hearing the same shit, with a different tune.
its like saying:
-im hungry
-im marved
-im famished
-im dying
-my belly is TALKING !
____________________
its the same damn thing, just said differently.
thats what music has turned into
and it's sad, but true.
the quality of music keeps dropping, and dont even get me started with dancehall,
id be a hipocrite to rant about it, because im guilty for loving it, and dancing to it
but when you chill out and listen to what they are saying, it makes you feel degraded in the sense for even vibing to it
*all in all music is music, and music is life, but i think music has hit a mid-life crisis
and needs to re-deem itself a bit,
can somebody say rehab?
now everyone likes to big up on retro trends and music right?
but how many people actually
take in the music and thoroughly listen to it?
like im sorry but when tracks like "birthday sex"
and "touch my body" are the tracks people are going crazy over,
then how exactly is valuable music being valued?
all i notice about todays music industry is that it's always about the same thing.
-sex
-money
-drugs
-alcohol
now i know that music isnt all that interesting when its about sunshine and rainbows,
but atleast when making a song about sex, can you at least refer to it as "making love"?
now today i was sitting in my vehicle listening to OTA live: unauthorized biography of ms. janet jackson.. and i was just taking in some of her older tracks, and i was like..
i much rather listen to this !
i get tired of hearing the same shit, with a different tune.
its like saying:
-im hungry
-im marved
-im famished
-im dying
-my belly is TALKING !
____________________
its the same damn thing, just said differently.
thats what music has turned into
and it's sad, but true.
the quality of music keeps dropping, and dont even get me started with dancehall,
id be a hipocrite to rant about it, because im guilty for loving it, and dancing to it
but when you chill out and listen to what they are saying, it makes you feel degraded in the sense for even vibing to it
*all in all music is music, and music is life, but i think music has hit a mid-life crisis
and needs to re-deem itself a bit,
can somebody say rehab?
8.04.2009
AIR JAMAICA DAY:
hola fellow bloggers,
so today i attended "jambana"
yes they totally ripped off caribana its real name is air jamaica day..
BUT ANYWAYS ! back on topic
i saw some funny things, aside from the entertaining entertainers and delcious
food (yum curry goat and rice) teenagers were in full effect, playing up stereo types
to the fullest.
-yelling
-slack clothes
-waste men posting up
-jerking? (newest addition)
i mean i had so much to laugh about it wasnt even funny at the end of it all,
girls wearing half tops and shorts..
note to you: this is not cute nor attractive nor does it mean you have ANY fashion sense at all
it just gives vybez kartell the right away to sing "come here blooclaut gyal you belly look to flat, and in repsonse you yell out [8] come breed me" im serious
girls like UGH they get me so mad, because they make males think that us women are suppost to do that foolishness.
other then that,
im kind of sad.. because trey songs is in toronto
and i never got to see him :(
-he went to dutty stink "canada meets america"
some caibana monday party,
but oh well thats life i guess.
so today i attended "jambana"
yes they totally ripped off caribana its real name is air jamaica day..
BUT ANYWAYS ! back on topic
i saw some funny things, aside from the entertaining entertainers and delcious
food (yum curry goat and rice) teenagers were in full effect, playing up stereo types
to the fullest.
-yelling
-slack clothes
-waste men posting up
-jerking? (newest addition)
i mean i had so much to laugh about it wasnt even funny at the end of it all,
girls wearing half tops and shorts..
note to you: this is not cute nor attractive nor does it mean you have ANY fashion sense at all
it just gives vybez kartell the right away to sing "come here blooclaut gyal you belly look to flat, and in repsonse you yell out [8] come breed me" im serious
girls like UGH they get me so mad, because they make males think that us women are suppost to do that foolishness.
other then that,
im kind of sad.. because trey songs is in toronto
and i never got to see him :(
-he went to dutty stink "canada meets america"
some caibana monday party,
but oh well thats life i guess.
8.03.2009
men, fix yourselves please !
so on facebook i have this thing called
*mindset of the week..
its quite wonderful actually,
it is a lesson through poetry
and i do it every sunday..
so i now decided that i shall post them
on blogger each week aswell.
this week's topic is men,
and how all they ever want is sex !!
agree?
disagree?
share you're thoughts...
i tried to tell him i was into him,
but he looked at my jeans and only wanted into them..
he couldnt see or care about what my heart was feelin..
the only concern was what part he's feelin..
i mean he walks and bases all his relationships on something shallow,
i look into his eyes not believing a man can stoop that low..
because im here, and im here for you..
but the only thing you're here for is to see what ill put out.. to see what
you will get to do.
and you want in between my thighs, instead of looking me in deep through my eyes
you rather get a piece of ass instead of waking up and getting to recognize
that i would have been down from the begginin, and could have stopped your world from
spinnin, but the only thing you gazed on was how much sex that you were winnin..
when no body else told you they loved you,
i told you ten times more then i should..
and when no one else got to please you..
i was the only one that could and would.
so when im the last one that got to tease you...
my mind was on love, while yours was on lust..
and when i broke down and cried shouted enough is enough,
i realized you were someone i could never love nor trust.
all he wanted was sex, he never cared at what cost it would come,
because the cost is always put through unpaid for by him..
youre left to deal with the sum, because he walks away smiling with his
pride in tact, while you're left behind stranded the odds were surpast stacked,
yet youre left to pretend.. and put on a fake smile,
when all you wanted was to love someone,
but learned that love isnt a man's style.
*mindset of the week..
its quite wonderful actually,
it is a lesson through poetry
and i do it every sunday..
so i now decided that i shall post them
on blogger each week aswell.
this week's topic is men,
and how all they ever want is sex !!
agree?
disagree?
share you're thoughts...
i tried to tell him i was into him,
but he looked at my jeans and only wanted into them..
he couldnt see or care about what my heart was feelin..
the only concern was what part he's feelin..
i mean he walks and bases all his relationships on something shallow,
i look into his eyes not believing a man can stoop that low..
because im here, and im here for you..
but the only thing you're here for is to see what ill put out.. to see what
you will get to do.
and you want in between my thighs, instead of looking me in deep through my eyes
you rather get a piece of ass instead of waking up and getting to recognize
that i would have been down from the begginin, and could have stopped your world from
spinnin, but the only thing you gazed on was how much sex that you were winnin..
when no body else told you they loved you,
i told you ten times more then i should..
and when no one else got to please you..
i was the only one that could and would.
so when im the last one that got to tease you...
my mind was on love, while yours was on lust..
and when i broke down and cried shouted enough is enough,
i realized you were someone i could never love nor trust.
all he wanted was sex, he never cared at what cost it would come,
because the cost is always put through unpaid for by him..
youre left to deal with the sum, because he walks away smiling with his
pride in tact, while you're left behind stranded the odds were surpast stacked,
yet youre left to pretend.. and put on a fake smile,
when all you wanted was to love someone,
but learned that love isnt a man's style.
8.02.2009
first post:
my name is meagan, but people call me Delz.
Im 16, from the Toronto area, and i have a passion for
getting through to people through spoken word, and poetry,
im very opinionated, and i am sure you will come to realize this with time.
So, basically ive heard of this blogging
thing and at first i wasn't going to make one..
but then i thought about how much notes and stuff
i make on facebook about my opinions through poetry and such,
so why not have a blog with the same contents?
im gonna use this blog not necessarily to post things like
"today i ate cereal and went for a jog" but things more like..
"today i came across teens beating up another teen and i found it to be ridiculous because.."
so in any case i hope that what i post is taken seriously,
and is given a second thought.
because i just find in today's world, sanity and dignity within people...
is hard to find.
ciao.
Im 16, from the Toronto area, and i have a passion for
getting through to people through spoken word, and poetry,
im very opinionated, and i am sure you will come to realize this with time.
So, basically ive heard of this blogging
thing and at first i wasn't going to make one..
but then i thought about how much notes and stuff
i make on facebook about my opinions through poetry and such,
so why not have a blog with the same contents?
im gonna use this blog not necessarily to post things like
"today i ate cereal and went for a jog" but things more like..
"today i came across teens beating up another teen and i found it to be ridiculous because.."
so in any case i hope that what i post is taken seriously,
and is given a second thought.
because i just find in today's world, sanity and dignity within people...
is hard to find.
ciao.
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